Today it is cool. I am sitting here in long pants. Had to close the windows cause I was getting chilly. The last 3 days are a hazy blur of sweaty breasticles, whinging and cold showers.

Now I am happy.

The kids had the day off today due to the teachers strike and spent the day complaining and asking for food and wanting attention and shit…….

But I was wearing jeans and was coooooool.

I had a support group meeting that I had to go to because 12 new families were coming and not one fucker turned up………

But my breasts were dry.

3 new adults with Aspergers turned up and got all shitty cause I couldn’t help them. I explained that I am just a mum of a 9 year old so have no experience with adult issues. But they went on and on and on…

But because it was cool I ordered a hot sticky date pudding and a bucket of latte. Yum

Boo was downloading a bazillion things on Youtube and sucking up all the bandwidth so I couldn’t get on the rat-fuck-son-of-a-bitch internet……..

So I went and put on some socks cause my feet were COLD!

Too is going to Spam-a-lot on the weekend and has been dancing around the house teasing me incessantly.  Apparently the little biatch will be in the second row centre. And I get to spend the weekend with my rellies. The ones that think that Boo is Artistic and like fucking Rainman. ‘Drop the matches cause I know he can count them!’ Asshats.

But it is going to be in the low 20’s and I can wear fab shoes and just stare at them all day.

I was finally the good daughter today and went to see my parents new McMansion. Yeah it is nice and so is the fucking central airconditioning that they got installed today.

But I was gracious and gushing cause my body wasn’t screaming for a shower.

Got the freaking huge list of things I need to do in preparation for my fathers 60th on Saturday and my brother, the golden child, will just swan in with the new girlfriend, suck up all the attention from the fawning parental with no fucking gift while I do all the prep and clean up……

But my lovely internets were here helping and advising me on all things bloggy. And made me feel loved, not like the woman that gave birth to me and didn’t care when I got hit by a fucking CAR!     yes I am still going on and on and on about that. Sorry.

Yesterday I was standing with my skirt over the airconditioner vent, tonight the central heating has turned itself on. It was set to only turn on when the temp drops under 10 degrees C! (50F)

So tonight I am sitting here begging the boy to sleep in a nice cool room. With socks on. I will go to bed and wrap myself up in the doona and snuggle to sleep.

But not with this man.

mo21nov.jpg

Oh no, the man now known as Mario-porn-star is still a nookie free zone. Been a long dry month for a porn star wanna be (well except for this one time…. at band camp when we both had the day off and the kids were at school….. cause when does THAT ever happen?) and he thought thinning the smudge out a bit a la Dick Dastardly would bring a bit of the action.

dick-dastardly.jpg

Nup.

*singing* I am strong. STRONG.

I am invincible. INVINCIBLE!

I am STUBBORN!!!!!!!

9 more days…………

Advertisements

Hate is probably a strong word. How about I fucking despise Summer, more than pregnancy hormone induced hemorrhoid’s and even more than when my coffee machine expired.

I hate the Romans already, ahem, Summer. I hate Summer already.  Channeling ‘Life of Brian’ again.

And it is still spring.

Today it was hot.  Freaking melt-the-bitumen-under-your-fabulous-shoes stinking hot.

I don’t take the heat well.  My body is designed for temperatures under 28C (82F) not this ridiculous 37C (98F) for 2 days straight.  AND expecting the same tomorrow.

Let me share some of the things I abhor about Summer.

Flies:  The sticky little bastards that get into everything and join their little friends the

Mosquitos, to make my life a living hell both day and night.

Dickheads that say ‘So how’s the heat?’  Moron.  What do you think?  We are sweating buckets and fighting over the last bag of ice at the supermarket.  So I am thinking it is bad.  Fuckwit.

Stupid people that say:  ‘It’s not so much the heat, but the humidity’  Do you think that makes you sound smart?  History tells us that TV weather people are not the brightest characters. Just spewing what they read from the autocue without any comprehension. Hence you are an idiot, making me more superior than you, so piss of and stop talking to me.

All the humongous fat women that feel it necessary to assault my peepers wearing skin tight spaghetti straped moo-moo’s sundresses.  Get a freaking clue, just because it comes in extra-whoa-mumma-huge doesn’t mean you should wear it. And for all that is good in the world SHAVE those furry armpits!

Oh and invest in some deodorant.  Please.  I will spot you the 5 bucks for the extra super strength.

Boob sweat.  Oh how I hate boob sweat.  The trickling sensation between the breasticles that reminds me of a creeping spider (oh yes, I think EVERYTHING is a spider) that makes me run screaming to the nearest loo to mop up the ‘glow’.

The smell of the school halls when I go to pick up Boo.  The smell of the 12-13 year olds that haven’t quite discovered deodorant (Impulse spray is not a deodorant girls!) mixed in with old textbooks and orange peel.  Bletch.

The endless night.  Oh holy-mother-of-GOD I hate the hot sticky nights.  I am a wrap yourself up in a heavy doona girl, not so much when the mercury is sitting in the mid 30’s (celcius, I am too hot and bothered to convert it for you guys) at 1am.  And I can’t sleep naked.  Not with the nocturnal visitor with the stealth ninja moves, who I am only aware of when I feel the poke on my breast and the exclaimation ‘Why do they bounce Mummy?’

Oh and us insane Australians that swelter in the kitchen on Christmas day cooking a traditional Christmas dinner.  Turkey and roast vegies and all the trimmings and then freaking HOT PUDDING!  WTF?  Are we insane?  Or are we just so totally brainwashed by the American way of life that we have to eat a hot meal when we can fry an egg on the road? (yeah, we are, I admit to hot turkey and freaking-pudding)  And then poor Grandpa gets suited up in the Santa suit, hands out the presents and spends the rest of the day in hospital with heat stroke.

But there is one thing that I like about Summer.  Watermelon and coffee flavoured icecream for dinner. yum.

Oh and shoes.  Yeah, pretties.  Here are today’s.

pink-shoes.jpg

The photo doesn’t do them justice, they are such a pretty shade of pink.  And I have a handbag that matches perfectly!