Two very exciting things have happened today. And I am jumping out of my skin with excitement!

Firstly. I was wiping Boo’s arse earlier and noticed that he had his first solid bowel movement EVA! Boo has been gluten free since ‘toddler diarrhoea’ didn’t clear up by the time he was four. We started a half arsed *snort* gluten challenge but over the last couple of days he has been eating hot dog rolls till they have been coming out the wazoo. And solid!

Oh. My. Freaking GOD!!! I am so excited I could just, well, share my sons toilet habits with the internets. I am just bouncing people. Looked just like the Mr Hanky I packed away with the Christmas decos.

I swear it freaking winked at me and said BoooYaah!!!

I resisted the urge to take a photo for you all. I concede that some may not be as enamored by my sons fecal floaties.

And the second thing. Well I am sure I will be forgiven for announcing this after a good bowel movement, but today sees the launch of the newest most exciting Aussie Blogging forum in the world! It was supposed to be a secret till tomorrow. I was planning on having a play and wielding my magic moderating powers without an audience. I was going to do a vague post and keep you guessing and begging and sending me shoes to get me to tell, but then Meg, Snoskred and Andrew let the cat out of the proverbial Gucci puppy carrier.

The Aussie Bloggers Community project is born! Here is the link to the forum. We are all having fun in there right now and literally hundreds of people have visited since the unofficial launch at 6pm.

Meg has done all the hard work with the linking and stuff so pop over there to read all about it:

Dipping in the blogpond

Or just click on all three of their names and read what they have to say, oh and subscribe to their feeds. You will thank me! (Don’t forget to subscribe to mine too! Bwaaa haaa haaa!)

And then get your arses over to the forums! Oh and my lovely overseas friends, it’s not just for Aussie sheilas and blokes 🙂

Just don’t forget to come back ya hear?

Well, well, well….. Looks like I definitely still have my moderators hat on cause there was not a fuck, shit, biatch in sight. Must be mellowing in my old age. Probably something to do with that red shit on my leg. That apparently no one but me can see…..

Two posts in a row where I am not pissed with someone. That has to be some sorta record or something. Wonder if this means I will keep my potty mouth in check.

Fuck no.

Well I have had a very eventful week which I will bullet point for your reading pleasure.

  • Week off from work. Cause my boss lurves me. Bliss….
  • Boo went on his first school excursion without me. And had a ball! All the parents that went along took photos of my little man, cause they all love him!
  • Found out who Boo’s teacher and aide are for next year. Shhhhhh, I am not supposed to know yet. But I am very very VERY happy!
  • Won a competition over at All for Women. A fantabulous 48 page photobook from Click on print to give to my brother in the Navy AKA The Golden Child.
  • Almost finished my Christmas shopping for the kids
  • Made the top 200 bloggers (by the skin of my teeth!) and top 50 Aussie Women Bloggers.
  • Dressed as a Ninja and cracked myself up
  • Got pampered and caught up with all the gossip while getting a FABULOUS haircut that I lurve, lurve LURVE!!! Less than three, Sebastian, less than three….
  • Got this fabulous bit of bling from Ree the Hotfessional llama.jpg and will pass it on to LA Daddy cause I gave him some bling eons ago and he came looking for it the other day. And because I am a lazy biatch, I will just fling him some new bling. AND it was his birthday party yesterday and he managed to get his boss to cater. I bow to your awesomeness LA Daddy, cause although mine is my biatch, he usually only gets me coffee. Oh and Diesel, cause he asked so nicely *snigger* and cause his blog rocks . (and I am supposed to say that this bling originated at Simplycuriousgirl)
  • I bought coffee 4 times this week. And it was worth it. Mmmmmmmm.
  • Got nominated again for Hottest Mommy Blogger and Best Parenting Blog at the Bloggers Choice Awards *snort* So vote for me biatches. You know you want to. Click on the linkies in the sidebar or right here. I don’t care just vote for me. I know you have to register and shit, but c’mon I dressed like a Ninja and make you spurt liquid outta ya noses….
  • Lost a kilo. Minutes after my haircut. Yeah, there was that much hair. Went from super freaking long and heavy to lighter and just super long. Without the freaking. Oh and I don’t know if I have mentioned but I lurve lurve LURVE it….
  • Woke to brown murals all over the walls and it wasn’t shit! It was chocolate. Woulda licked the walls clean but I was pretty sure those hands were up some bodily crevice before hand.
  • Although Boo is in his sleep-is-an-optional-extra phase again, he is staying in his room. Might have a little weeny bit to do with I am not leaving any lights on in the rest of the house any more and he is too freaking scared to leave his room. *Slaps head* WHY didn’t I think of that years ago!!!!
  • Got an email from the fabulously freaky Kim who has been trying to nominate my post ‘Letter to my neighbours’ for the, and I quote, ‘aussie post thingy at Club Troppo’ and keeps getting an error message. *smootch* babe, just that you have tried over and over makes me less than three ya more!
  • Bullet points are fun. I could go on and on but then you will forget to vote for me as a Hottie. Cause I soooo wanna be a hottie.

So till tomorrow when I find someone to despise or ridicule I will leave you in the warm glow of Kelley being happy.

And another Christmas tree…

loungeroom-tree.jpg

This is the lounge tree. Yes it is still leaning. Goddamnit!

And now add mud to the mix. Mmmmm tasty.

I actually slept all night. I awoke this morning to the dulcet tones of my Boo singing. That could only mean one thing. He is up, alone…….

And shit and toothpaste.

I lumbered out of bed to survey the damage. Boo is no where to be seen.

The singing I heard was coming from his laptop, a cunning plan. Something he recorded earlier to mess with his mummy’s brain.

I stumble into the family room. ‘Taz wanted’ is playing at full volume on the PS2 and there are muddy footprints (or at least I HOPE it is mud) all over the floor.

Boo is outside on the swing. With the gate open. He is actually wearing pants, backwards, but clothed all the same.

I shut the gate and hope to God that the neighbours haven’t had an early morning call from my boy and no one has seen me in my oversized maternity nightie covered with smiling bears. Yeah, sexy huh?! But it is comfortable after 8 years of wear.

Back inside to assess the damage.

The pantry door is open. Food is strewn all over the floor and the teletubbies take pride of place where the sauces (now lined up in colour cordinated rows on the bench) used to live. The freezer door is open and there is a bucket full of water placed in the middle of the kitchen floor. A lone piece of chalk floating on the surface.

Every toy he has ever owned is carefully placed around the family room and the toy boxes are empty.

Salt and pepper has been ground into the grooves of my dining table.

The lounge looks relatively unharmed, but the Polish news is on and Buzz Lightyear is watching it.

The bathroom! Shit and Toothpaste Batman! I dash to the bathroom, my heart racing.

The sinks are full of water. There is a fecal mural on the wall. Every towel has been removed from the cupboard and strewn all over the floor.

But no toothpaste. That’s right, I hid it before I went to bed. Phew. Pity I can’t sew his arse shut.

He has found my razor. You know those cutesy girly ones with the moisturising soap strip that you sing along with Jewel while lovingly tending to your hairy bits? Yeah, well now it is naked. Hope the moisturising strip was tasty Boo, now I am gunna have to wear pants till I can get another one.

My hairbrush is snapped in half and there is toilet paper draped over the mirrors.

Will the horror never end?

Sadly no.

I chuck some clothes on and go and check Boo outside. He is using various plates as Frisbees.

‘Play with me Mummy!’ he squeals, delighted to see me out of bed.

He is covered in mud. His innocent smile radiates under the smudges of mud all over his face (Please God let it be mud!) his pj top is splattered with what looks like tomato sauce. *sniff* yeah it’s sauce, not blood….

‘Play with me Mummy’ he repeats, handing me a plate, his huge brown eyes smiling up at me with affection.

‘Boo, Mummy needs a coffee first’ and some sort of medication.

‘OK, then we play frizbee’

I drag myself inside, head down so I don’t see the destruction waged by my tiny terrorist, make coffee and sit down to whinge at my computer.

Boo is outside again, digging in the mud. Remember last week when I was so excited about him actually touching the mud. Slap me will ya?

But at least I got a full night sleep.

Still sick and finding it hard to remember to breathe, let alone make a blog post. Those that have sent me emails via the ‘wanna complain or send me some lovin’ button asking questions or for information, my brain is having technical difficulties and is down for maintenance. Your email has been placed in a queue and will be answered by the first available brain cell.

I have spent a productive morning staring at the TV. Might even turn it on.

Trying to reserve my energy to take the wildcat AKA Boo to a birthday party this afternoon at the local gymnastics club. He is truly freaky today cycling through the Black Eyed Peas album and generally causing mayhem. Right now I don’t care. The toothpaste is hidden and he has already done a huge dump in the toilet – smelt like corn chips and was full of black foam from the mousemat he ate on Thursday. But at least it is not on the walls…….

Right now he is teaching himself how to speak Portuguese. Okaaay. Last month he wanted to learn to speak Arabic. Would be better if he could master conversational English though.

Got some news, great news, but will wait till I am feeling a little more human before I share. Need to be able to string a few words together first.

And yeah, it’s the flu. Third time in as many months. Apparently there are several strains. I am aiming to collect them all.

Well I did say I needed to take up a hobby.

I shouldn’t have hauled my bottom off my chair and saved him from a fate worse than Mama Cass earlier. I admit my main concern was my carpet, but I saved him all the same.

And what thanks do I get? Shit and toothpaste. He has added a new one to the mix, mouthwash. Two whole bottles down the drain and refilled with Diet Pepsi. And the pepsi bottle being topped up with water.

Oh and lets not forget him trying to cut up the lounge suite with a play doh knife.

And pouring left over soft drink from the weekend all over the newly polished (in a fit of domestic-ness on the weekend) stainless steel GAS cooktop.

And wiping his arse on his doona.

And the wall – yes the FREAKING wall!!!!

And forgetting to pull down his pants before he went to the toilet. While still wearing his only pair of shoes that he will deign to wear……

And making 8 ham sandwiches and leaving them in various states of crumbled-up-ness around the house.

And running into his sister while she is carrying a plate of scrambled eggs and giggling while it flies through the air screaming ‘Do it again, Do it AGAIN!!!!’

Surprisingly he didn’t put up his usual fight when I DEMANDED he to go to bed. Normally it is a 45 minute all in brawl to get him in the general vicinity of his bed, tonight it took all of 10.

Methinks this kid is playing with me. Methinks he knows when he has overstepped the line. Something I should rejoice. Apparently. He is being a naughty little boy, just like every other boy. Apparently.

Apparently it is illegal to strangle your child for being naughty. Even if they are almost as tall as you and stronger than 10 men.
But what if I just shake him a little?

Oooooooh, he is asleep. 10 minutes and he is asleep. Tiny little snore escaping from his lips. Spread eagled across the bed tangled up in the bedding. The pikachu bedhead I made him framing his tousled curls. Perfectly angelic sleeping face. I lean over and kiss his still baby-chubby cheek.

God how I love this child. All is forgiven.

At least for tonight.