Man, there is some crazy kinda stink coming out of my boy.

Like rotting flesh and playdoh.

Or is it communism? I don’t know but it smells like 40 kinds of awful.

We went to a cafe after school today. Boo was beside himself as it was a gluten free cafe and he got to have a soy icecream in a freaking CONE!! The kid was swooning.

We were in a booth. I was gulping my 4th sipping my latte, Moo chowing down on some cheesecake and Boo, well he was whispering sweet nothings to his icecream.

Then it hit me. Oh. My. God.

I looked a Moo, she looked at me and we decided it couldn’t be Boo cause that kid farts all the time and it had never smelt like that.

The smell was reminiscent of the caravan park that MPS’s brother put us in after driving 14 hours overnight to make arrangements for his mothers funeral. The caravan park next to the sewerage plant.

But worse.

We shot a dirty look at the toddler in the next booth.

Then in the car. That smell again.

We pull into the driveway, heads out the window gulping fresh air.

I send Boo to the toilet, when I realise that the smell, the smell that would send the hounds of hell whimpering into a corner is coming from his mouth.

He is burping up that smell.

I interrogate him. Fat lot of good that is. All I get is ‘I don’t know’ or echolalic response.

But then I spy it. The half eaten remnants of one of the coconut truffles I made on the weekend. And the mocha ones. And they were choc full of cream, cream cheese and sweetened condensed milk.

Aaaaaaah! Yes, I know that smell. The smell that used to cauterize my nose hairs before we took him off dairy at 8 months old. Good ol’ cow lactation.

The little bastard must have swiped them from the fridge.

Tomorrow P (his teacher) will be in hysterics.  Boo is going to his new classroom.  With his new teacher for next year.  She will get to sample first hand why it is not a good idea to let Boo eat something that is not part of his special diet.

Should I pack some air freshener?  Pine or lavender?

*************

Thankyou to all of you that have been scouring the stores for Hyper Dash for me. Or sending out your husbands *snigger*. Especially to those that parted with cold hard cash to ensure that Boo got his wish from Santa.  I am truly humbled that you would even think to look for me. I am truly speechless at the wonderfulness of my internet friends. 

And it is a rectangular box!!!  Yay!

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That is what I wrote on the sign out book at school today.

A totally inaccurate statement that pissed me off and set me off mumbling all the way to the car, my baby holding my hand and happy to have a half day off school.

Today was a public holiday in Victoria. But because we live in the ‘country’ some places have the day off, others don’t.

DH and I had the day off work, but the kids had school. Boo’s school had a Melbourne Cup themed day with races and fashions on the field after an early lunch.

But Boo only had aiding till 12.30pm. And Boo doesn’t cope with me being his ‘aide’ cause it is too confusing for him. At school C (his aide) and P (the teacher) are in charge. I am the boss when the bell goes.

It has taken a year to get him to understand this. ‘Cause the kid needs firm rules.

So today, while all the races were on, the kids wandering around school with any freak job able to just walk in the school grounds unchallenged, Boo was expected to fend for himself.

The child that eats dirt and half chewed apples off the ground and ROCKS for fucks sake and has a penchant for wandering off alone was expected to just sit quietly and understand what to do.

And all of a sudden develop the ability to know not to wander off with a stranger that offers him food.

So there I am at the office filling out the sign out book and the Vice Principal walks out. He looks pissed. Well I am more fucking pissed.

‘So A’ I call out ‘What should I write as the reason I am taking Boo out of school this afternoon?’

He saunters over, thinking I want a friendly chat. Normally we have a good relationship but today I am pissed at him and ready to stab the new principal in the head with the pen. The new principal has decreed that if an aide is away for one day they will not be replaced.

Boo’s aide now calls me in the morning if she is too sick to come to school so I can keep Boo home. Fucking Arsehole. He is saving money and I have to take time off work….. or worse, C comes in when she should be home sick.

Again, as always, I digress.

A is standing next to me, smiling down. A is a rather attractive man, but today all I can see is his devil horns….

‘I need to write something here, and seeing he isn’t sick and doesn’t have a doctors appointment, I don’t know what to write’ I say, knowing he has no idea where this is going.

‘Oh’ his face clouds over for a moment ‘Why are you taking him home?’

‘Well, he has no aiding for this afternoon. P is judging and C is in Mr S’s room. So no supervision’

‘He will be alright won’t he’

What the FUCK!!!!! This man has been in every freaking meeting about Boo since day dot. He was there during the discussion when Boo was doing nudie runs in the halls, when he took to playing in the urinals, when he disappeared during a class with a sub teacher, when he got a 4 year old in a head lock cause he was playing ‘The Simpsons’, when he ate so many freaking ROCKS in the playground that our toilet was backed up………

‘No, A, he will not.’ I said through gritted teeth while Boo was happily laying on the floor at my feet giggling for no apparent reason.

‘Oh, well write Parental Decision then’ he shot back at me.

‘Fine.’ I muttered back and shot him one of my infamous glares, the glare that makes small children cry and Emo teenagers make a facial expression other than a scowl ‘We will talk about this later in the week’

And I helped Boo off the floor and swung around and strode out the door. Shit, I wish I had heels on today, it would have been so much more dramatic.

As I am walking out the door, A calls out

‘Have a wonderful day Kelley!’

He knows I am pissed. He knows that I am the reasonable parent. I am the parent that goes out of her way to make sure that everything is fair. I know that my boy is hard work and will do anything and everything to help the school, teachers and for Christsakes the other kids cope with Boo being there. I help out at the school and do things at home without batting an eyelid. Ask for help, I am there.

I am his dream fucking parent and he has pissed me off.

And he has known me long enough to know, you don’t piss me off. Not when it comes to my boy.

A, you better bring a spare pair of pants when I decide we are having that meeting. You will need ’em buddy.

Oh and tissues. Lots of tissues. I betcha you ain’t so pretty when you cry.

On Wednesday Girl was talking about the biatches in the schoolyard (and they are biatches babe, I agree with Buns, you little hottie, you) and I felt for her.

I hate being snubbed. I want everyone to like me. And if you don’t, I will fret about it. The vestiges of being a painfully shy child. Autism beat that out of me. The daily fighting with everyone to get what Boo was due has made me stronger.

But there are some women in the schoolyard that snub me. They are not the Muffia, they, believe it or not, actually like me. I guess I am their little charity case. Talk to the Mum with the kid with the disability…. yeah whatever.

The particular mothers I am talking about are what we affectionately refer to as ferals. The rough, wharfy voiced too-tight-tracksuit-wearing, um, trailer trash???? You know the ones, their kids are called Shakira and Shapelle and sporting a three day old snail trail of snot across their faces? And they all have that laugh, the one that makes you whip ’round and say ‘What the freaking hell is that?’

And no-one owns shoes.

Yeah, those ones.

I have tried to chat with them. When they are alone, they are fine. All chatty and ‘hows it goin’. But get two or more of ’em together….. well I am not longer worth talking to.

Ferals are snubbing me.

I actually talked to P (Boo’s teacher) about it. Oh, how he laughed. Asshat. Then asked me why I cared.

I don’t know.

I am not interested in talking about what they talk about, I don’t want their dirty kids crawling all over me and I wouldn’t invite them over for coffee…

So why do I care?

Cause they are judging me. Because I don’t come to school barefoot, I wear fabulous shoes. Because I don’t smell like eu de BO, but perfume. Because I don’t scream across the school yard ‘Get back here you bastard or I will thump ya’ ( although sometimes I want to). Because I brush my freaking HAIR…

hmmmm, who is judging who? But I try and talk to them. They sneer at me. I walk to the classroom and pass them sitting on the steps and they go quiet and stare.
The other day I was standing in the hall waiting for Boo to come out of class. One of the ferals walked in, alone. I said hi, she said hi. We did the small talk thing. She asked me if I thought it was going to rain on the weekend.

Then one of her mates lumbered in. She turned her bra-strap-disappearing-into-her-fat back on me!

‘So ya recon it’s gunna rain on Sat-di’ she yelled to her mate. 2 feet away from her.

Isn’t that what she just asked me?

‘Dunno. Betta put up the tent just in case tho. Gunna be a freakin’ awesome party. Kids are pumped. Everyone comin’?’

‘Yeh. Most’a da kids in da class’

Huh? ‘most’a da kids in da class’? Boo didn’t get an invite. Boo plays with the less feral of the two’s daughter. The one holding the party.

Boo has her on the top of the list of invites to his party.

Boo is not invited and the fucking feral broadcast it in front of me!

The lumbering mate announces ‘I gotta pee’ and shuffles off.

Feral no 1 turns to me. Smiles.

‘you know’ I smile sweetly at her ‘I heard that it is going to be lovely weather on the weekend. I don’t think you will need a tent. The kids will probably knock it down anyway’ saccharine smile again.

Apparently it is supposed to rain. Apparently there are strong wind warnings and the chance of hail.

Apparently some woman in fabulous shoes will be doing rain dances……

Yeah?

Well, she started it!

I have noticed I have had a bit of a potty mouth lately.  More like a sewer mouth really.

So I thought I would attempt a post where I am not angry or picking on someone and I don’t swear.

So….

Ummmm…

How’s the weather there?

Ok, I’ve got something.

A couple of freaky things have happened today.

Today was the first day back at school after the school holidays!!!  Whooo Hoo!  I was waiting out front of Boo’s classroom when Boo’s teacher arrived.  He had a hair cut!  F…….far out. (see I can do it!)

Boo’s teacher has had the weirdest hair.  Sorta mullet crossed with a birds nest of matted hair plopped on the top of his head and held in place with a couple of litres of yellow coloured goo.  Oh man, it was horrific.  Rumours flying around the school was that either he was bald and plonked all that on his head to hide it or he had a huge growth on his head.  Either way it would have been better than what he had.  Especially when it started melting during the sports carnival.

But today he looked great!  Bit greyer than I was expecting (well the other hair was yellow-goo coloured) but short and neat.

He was the talk of the playground.  Groups of mums – and a few dads – huddling together marvelling at how good he looked.  A couple of ‘he looks fantastic’ and even a few ‘He is hot’ (well there were a few expletives but I am being good today remember?).

P has a great body and is a nice looking man.  It was just the monstrosity on his noggin’ that was letting him down.  I think he will have a few mums requesting him as a teacher next year!  So now not only is he a gift from God as a teacher, he aint too bad on the eye either.

******

Rang my mum today.  She had the builders over doing the finishing touches on McMansion. Let’s not go there about the McMansion, cause then I won’t be able to keep my promise.

  The builder baked her a cake.

You heard (read, yeah whatever) that right. The. builder. baked. her. a. cake.

Totally blew my mind.  Apparently he likes to dabble in cake baking and decorating in his spare time.  A dark chocolate, strawberry and mascapone cake.  No f…., ahem,  cake mix.  From SCRATCH!

Took me a while to process that.  Then she said,

It was the third one he had made her and dad.

*stammer* um, gulp, wow?  Nah. For goodness sake? Nah, used that already. Um.

Isn’t that unexpected?

Now I need to go and have a rest cause this post was really bloody hard.

Shit, I swore.

Shit.

For those not ‘in the know’ a PSG is a Parent Support Group meeting. Once a term his aide, teacher, the vice principal and I get together to talk about Boo’s progress. Most of the time it turns into a love fest, LOL, with C, P, and I telling A (the VP) how wonderful the other is 🙂 Today we celebrated in Boo’s wonderful achievements since we last met as well as letting A know some struggles. A lot of things he was unaware of as he only normally hears of the positive things. He was a little shocked to say the least, which is a good thing. He didn’t realise how little Boo sleeps, how confrontational he can be and how much you need to think on the fly to be one step ahead of him. Boo has a very high IQ so is very quick to try and manipulate a person or situation to get his own way. P and C always see the bigger picture and fight the worthwhile battles even if that means an hour meltdown from Boo. They are truly a gift in our lives and now A realises how gifted they really are.

PSG’s usually only run for 15mins or so. We were in there for over an hour! I got home from popping into Coles for some stuff for dinner and the minutes and notes for the meeting were already in my email box.

Here are the notes with my explainations/clarifications in italic, obviously they don’t call him Boo at school, LMAO.
Program Support Group meeting for Boo 30/08/2007

Attendance: K, A, P, C

• A welcomed all and thanked for their attendance.
• P stated that in general Boo has been going quite well
• He has just completed an argumentative/defiant stage. That is an understatement!!!!!
• He is quite keen to have complete control of situations and becoming quite agitated in response to this. This was also coupled with significantly increased levels of aggression. K said that this was also occurring at home.
• Boo’s health has not been good over this period but K said that this may not necessarily be the direct cause of the changes in his behaviour.
• Boo had his most significant ‘meltdown’ at the pool last Friday. Since then his swimming lessons have been perfect.
• This week he has returned to his calmer self and seems to be happier with decisions being made and accepting them.
• P stated that next year’s teacher needs to be aware that Boo will try to assume control and if that teacher allows him to do this Boo will continue to try to manipulate them.
• Next year is a year of great change for Boo with him not being allowed in the junior playground, in different classrooms and probably with a different teacher. Therefore it is crucial that as soon as we know his teacher for 2008 that we start the familiarisation activities. Yeah instead of the day before school lets out for Christmas holidays!
• He accepts change more readily these days. Social stories are a good way of addressing this.
• On Monday Boo will receive a certificate at assembly – C will do a social story with Boo to prepare him for this as in the past this has been a difficult time for Boo. Last time he had a meltdown for 1/2 hour because he thought the certificate meant school was finished forever and it was a cert of completion. Poor Boo, he was so sad 😦
• The other students are very accepting of Boo.
• K is very happy with how we manage Boo at school– he is happy and safe and these are the main priorities. In addition to this he is constantly trying things outside of his comfort level and is also achieving some wonderful academic results.
• Boo ate peas at home the other night – this is a significant step forward LMAO at this one! I can’t believe he put it in!
• Substitute teachers are carefully selected for Boo but the availability of replacement staff is sometimes limited and unfamiliar staff may be in charge of Boo. Hmmm, that wasn’t the actual conversation. There have been a couple of ‘inappropriate’ selections of subs that A is now aware that these people are not to be working with him again. Think he was covering his butt a little here. Fair enough I suppose.
• Boo is more able to accept praise now. This is HUGE!
• P outlined the changes to Boo’s Individual Learning Plan. These include:
– Better manners and being more polite when asking for things Instead of screaming ‘Get me X’ or snatching
– When Boo doesn’t respond he is now being told that he needs to answer those people, without being told what to say. Boo was becoming prompt dependent. Needing people to say ‘Say Hello’ etc before he would respond.
– Boo not needing to be supervised so closely
– Recommendation that swimming familiarisation sessions to be continued once school swimming program is over.
– Encourage Boo to complete activities without excessive negotiation. This is a big one. P sometimes spends 10 minutes ‘discussing’ what needs to be done with Boo. Patient, patient man.
– Boo recognises when he needs a toy to play with to help deal with stressful situations, but this is a rare occurrence of late.
– For Boo to put up his hand when he is volunteering an answer or comment.
– To not focus on using fonts so much. Boo is obsessed with writing in particular fonts and they have to be PERFECT or he gets frustrated and angry. His favourite font is Magneto Bold remember! LOL
– For Boo to infer meaning from text. Because of his Hyperlexia and IQ, Boo can spell and read any word. He is almost grade level now in comprehension which is the biggest hurdle.
– For Boo to use mental strategies in his maths Apparently Boo has all the teachers stumped on how he gets to an answer. He shows his working out but it makes no sense to any of the teachers in the school. However he ALWAYS gets the correct answer!
– To tell the time conventionally on an analogue clock

The biggest issues were minimised a little I think. I really would like some reference into the amazing job P and C are doing and the extra effort they go to. All the positives are from sheer hard work from them. I am going to write a letter to the principal and the Education Dept at the end of the year to let them know what dedicated wonderful people P and C are.

Anyway, all in all, its all good.