So after school today Boo and I went to a discount store.  We go ‘somewhere’ after school everyday and Wednesday is usually the corner shop for a lemonade but today we mixed it up and went to the discount store.  Karma?  Fate?  Just bad freakin’ luck?

So I hobbled around looking for Boo, cause of course he decided today was the day to finally get some independence and go looking around on his own.  Three times.  So we were there longer than usual.

Get to the checkout and the chick is having a deep conversation with her friend and ignoring us.  Boo is getting titchy, so I let him have an icypole from the oh-so-freaking-convenient freezer in the checkout line.  He is starting to cover his ears and squeal from the horrible off key CHRISTMAS musak and all of us in the line are getting a little peeved.

She turns to me.  ‘Hi!  How are you!?’ like nothing happened.

‘Yeah, fine’ I replied, when what I wanted to do was slam her over the head with the phone.  In hindsight I probably should have, cause it would have bought me a minute or two.

Grab my purchases and Boo’s hand and limp, painfully, outside.  I was soooo lucky to get the park right out front. As I get to the car my phone rings.  I put my bag on the bonnet and standing at the drivers door answer it.

It was my Mum. ‘Where are you?’

‘I’m at the warehouse.  Boo ran away from me….’


A humungous 4 wheel drive comes careening into the park next to me and slams into my hip, flinging me into the drivers side door.

Does he stop?


He keeps going and slams the passenger side mirror into my back and leaves me inches between my car and his.

‘He fucking HIT ME!  A car just drove into me and FUCKING HIT ME!’ I scream in disbelief into the phone.

‘Yeah, OK, calm down.  When will you be home?  I am at your house waiting you know’ comes the response from Mother of the Year.

‘Mum.  I just got hit by a car!’

Then the guy in the car and his stupid woman stare at me and he yells ‘You stupid fucking bitch!’

‘What!!!  You hit me you idiot!’

He and his chick hide in their car.

‘Kelley???  Kelley???? Are you coming or not’ my mother asks me.


‘Yeah.  I will be there in a minute.’

So I yell some obscenities at the dickhead, Boo is in the car and is absorbed in singing to his reflection in the passenger side window so didn’t hear, and drive home.

Get in the driveway and Mum and Dad are waiting.  I am still seething.

‘What’s your problem?’ my oh-so-caring Mother asks

‘I just got hit by a fucking CAR!’

‘No need to use that tone and language with me!’

I unlock the front door.

Mother of the Year smiles at me.

‘My new kitchen comes tomorrow! Isn’t it exciting?!’

‘Yeah, great.’ I mumble rubbing my hip and wondering if it is bruised and thanking my lucky stars that I wasn’t turned sideways or the fucker would have run over my fractured toe.

‘Well you could show a little enthusiasm Kelley.  After all this IS a big deal for me………’ and she went on blabbering, but I tuned out cause…….

I GOT HIT BY A CAR and her new kitchen is more important…….

And people wonder why I am so freakin’ unbalanced……