Today I unearthed 17 boxes of Christmas decorations from
the pits of hell the garage, lost a child, tried to saw the end off a Christmas tree with a butter knife stupid freaking blunt hand saw, found said child and kicked her arse gave her a stern talking to and then kicked her arse, revealed my bloggyness to a friend I can physically fondle touch, supervised the shaving off of the porn Mo, cursed Blogger a million times for changing the commenting procedures, got my first weird search engine referral,
and generally lost my freaking mind.
And all the while Boo kept repeating:
“I feel cranky and pubescent today and I dont know why! GRRRRR I am gunna take it out on people I like.”
Yeah fab. Just the sorta thing to get me in the Christmas mood.
I woke Mario-porn-star (fucker still had the Mo goin’ on, must of slipped some Mogadon in my water last night cause I passed out before midnight and missed my opportunity to cause him a world-o-pain with the Epilady.) and promised him lovin’ if he went out RIGHT now to get a Christmas tree. Never seen the Asshat move so fast!
Now we all remember the promise of a new coffee machine don’t we? Yeah, so do I *snigger*
I can just bring that up when he tries to get payment now. Bwaaaa haaa haaa!
The house smells like Christmas with the beautiful tree!
Yes, I know it is on a freaking lean. Bastard fought me all the way into the house and was lucky I didn’t kick the fucking thing down after some loose leaves (? leaves? spines? freaking SPIKES?) fell down the back of my shirt and I thought it was a *shudder* spider and started jumping around screaming and the boy and bunny rolled their eyes. They are still judging me.
Don’t have a photo of the bathroom tree yet. Yes, I have a bathroom tree. Don’t you start judging….
Decorating will happen tomorrow when the branches get a chance to settle. And it is MY tree. No sticky little shit-and-toothpaste-covered nor Emo oh-my-world-sucks-cause-Mum-cracked-at-me-for-being-a-thoughtless-little-biatch fingers are touching my tree. They can do one of the other six.
Yeah six. There you go with the judging again…..
And here is the photo you have all been waiting for…. the end of the road for Mario-porn-star.
Isn’t that much better? You can even see his cute widdle dimple in his cheek now.
Oh, I almost forgot. The weird search engine referral?
“him in the balls”
Shit that was a hard post! Knowing that one of my besties is reading it made it really weird.
And don’t forget to get in on the action of naming Mario-porn-star, and read the comments so far they are HILARIOUS!!!!