Two very exciting things have happened today. And I am jumping out of my skin with excitement!

Firstly. I was wiping Boo’s arse earlier and noticed that he had his first solid bowel movement EVA! Boo has been gluten free since ‘toddler diarrhoea’ didn’t clear up by the time he was four. We started a half arsed *snort* gluten challenge but over the last couple of days he has been eating hot dog rolls till they have been coming out the wazoo. And solid!

Oh. My. Freaking GOD!!! I am so excited I could just, well, share my sons toilet habits with the internets. I am just bouncing people. Looked just like the Mr Hanky I packed away with the Christmas decos.

I swear it freaking winked at me and said BoooYaah!!!

I resisted the urge to take a photo for you all. I concede that some may not be as enamored by my sons fecal floaties.

And the second thing. Well I am sure I will be forgiven for announcing this after a good bowel movement, but today sees the launch of the newest most exciting Aussie Blogging forum in the world! It was supposed to be a secret till tomorrow. I was planning on having a play and wielding my magic moderating powers without an audience. I was going to do a vague post and keep you guessing and begging and sending me shoes to get me to tell, but then Meg, Snoskred and Andrew let the cat out of the proverbial Gucci puppy carrier.

The Aussie Bloggers Community project is born! Here is the link to the forum. We are all having fun in there right now and literally hundreds of people have visited since the unofficial launch at 6pm.

Meg has done all the hard work with the linking and stuff so pop over there to read all about it:

Dipping in the blogpond

Or just click on all three of their names and read what they have to say, oh and subscribe to their feeds. You will thank me! (Don’t forget to subscribe to mine too! Bwaaa haaa haaa!)

And then get your arses over to the forums! Oh and my lovely overseas friends, it’s not just for Aussie sheilas and blokes 🙂

Just don’t forget to come back ya hear?

Well, well, well….. Looks like I definitely still have my moderators hat on cause there was not a fuck, shit, biatch in sight. Must be mellowing in my old age. Probably something to do with that red shit on my leg. That apparently no one but me can see…..

As I sit here with an overwhelmed, overloaded with junk food from a party where in a weak moment I threw caution (and any hope of sleep tonight) to the wind and said ‘what the hell eat what you want’, bouncing off the walls with red ears and face, farting like Satans spawn little boy I have been thinking about you all.

I have been overwhelmed by the support and love of the internets.

Everyday someone emails me saying that I put a smile on their face or a spurt of coffee on their keyboard.

Everyday someone mentions that my miserable existence brightens their day.
Everyday I feel the love of the blogosphere and I want to send you money and shoes.

But seeing I have no money and there is no way in HELL I am parting with my shoes, I thought I would give you a little something.
Consider it an early Christmas present for the wonderful people all over the world that visit my little corner of the internet and make me squeal with delight when I see your comments or mention of me on your blogs that I stalk visit.

So without further ado, I present you the Blog Bling.

i-less-than-3-your-blog.jpg

I made it all myself.

Yeah, alright. We all know how freaking clueless I am (right Veronica?;) ) so Moo did it. But it was my idea! Honest. Truly. I dragged her away from playing Sims or Quiddich World Cup or chatting up a 40 year old man in his underpants on Myspace or somesuch and made her with the threat of no Santa asked her to help me design it.

Now the explanation. When the girls and I want to express our mutual admiration in public we say ‘Less than Three’. If you look at it sideways:

It looks like a heart. So I heart you.

And I do. Every one of you. Even the hundreds of lurkers (I know you are there…. bwaaaa haaa haaa!) and if you poke out your head and leave a comment you can have one too!

So here is the list of the first ‘I less-than-three your Blog!’ recipients in absolutely NO particular order …..

Drumroll please…..

Veronica

Meg

Kim

Madmad

Lightening

Robin

Maddy

Ree

Fab

Contrary

Cellobella

Riayn

Bettina

Erin!

Lisa

VE

Stimey

Whymommy

Mystarbucks

Stella

Girl

Tiffany

Vic Jodi

Missy

Gina

kin

alyndabear

Babychaos

Once you take your button you need to do the usual crap, pass it on and link back here from whence it came so I can check up on you see how the love is traveling around the blogosphere and explain what it means for the idiots people that don’t know that expression.

Now this took me all fucking night (c’mon I had to slip it in here somewhere, I am trying to break the Guinness Book Of Records record for the pottiest mouthed Mummy on the planet) so pass it on to the blogs you deem worthy.

And if you don’t I will send that Ninja chick and her minions Stealth Ninja Moves Boy and Ninja Biatch to steal your Christmas trees.

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Now I don’t expect you to tag 28 people. I did 28 in honour of Boo as it is his favourite number. I also understand that a lot of people don’t do ‘buttons’ and will not want to play well that freaking sucks big fat hairy bleeding haemorroids that is OK. Just know that I lurve you!

And no sulking if I forgot you today. I will fling you some bling ASAP.

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edited to add:

If the link to your blog is not working, shoot me an email (‘Talk to me’ up the top there) and I will fix it. I was a bit tired last night 🙂 Veronica and Riayn, I am on it and will fix your links today sometime after I clean all the chocolate off the walls that Boo found in the middle of the night. At least it wasn’t shit and toothpaste!!!!

yeah, this thing has been holding me back.

What about BlogEveryHourWeek or HowMuchCrapCanYouTypeInOneDayMonth?

Actually today I am rather proud of myself. I didn’t have to resort to endless memes, nothing posts (well except maybe this one, but a bird was terrified by a fart, so it was something) or just linking to blogs I like. Which is what I was afraid I would do….

And looks like I must be doing something right cause today this little blog debuted in the top 200 Australian blogs! Oh. My. Freaking. Gawd. Not something I was expecting after only being around just over 3 months! Pop over to Megs blog Dipping in the Blogpond to see the others. I am number 199 or something *snort*

Thankyou my lovelies, I feel special!

So now what I want you to do (besides thinking of a name for Mario-porn-star) is click on that button over there ‘add this blog to my technorati favourites’ and then go and claim your blog. Helps us both out apparently. Makes my little number go up as well as yours and you too could be dancing around the loungeroom manically squealing ‘In your face, In your face, I am a Suuuuuperstaaaaaaaar!’ or something similar while the boy and the bunny look at you like you are insane.

The boy who is nekid and fondling the next tooth he is planning to extract and the bunny who we think has Tourettes. They are judging me……

I told Mario-porn-star. He was flabbergasted that people would actually want to read my blog. Seeing it is just about cooking and housework *gaffaw*. Might actually come clean with him one day.

I told my girlfriend H.  She looked at me incredulous and said ‘You have a blog?’  Oh. Right.  I forgot.  I haven’t told anyone I know in real life about this little thing…..

So this potty mouthed, fab shoe wearing, coffee ho is a happy little chicky tonight, loving the peeps in cyberland.

Feeling the love of the internets today.

Meg at Blogpond linked to me saying that I use ‘colourful language’. And she gave me this pretty little button (only because I said I loved it!)

winner1.gif

Ask and ye shall receive.

I want a burgundy 7 seater car please. Preferably with leather seats. And shoes, lots of pretty shoes.

Andrew from On Blogging Australia profiled this blog and said that I have a ‘slightly earthy sense of humour’ And then he brought out the ‘colourful language’ line as well.

See a pattern here?

How about just saying it guys? I am a potty mouthed, fabulous shoe wearing, attention whore. And you love me for it!

White Trash Mom commented on ‘Will you do the fandango?’ and called me officially White Trash. Oh the honour!

VE from VE’s Fantastical Nonsense helped me out immensely on how to market fecal murals. Will be dedicating my memoirs ‘A shit load of cash’ to VE for starting the fecal mural movement. (see that? poo-word-poo, oh I am a 5 year old boy….. seriously)

Veronica and Karen tagged me for memes. I am working on them tonight while trying to put the little bastard to sleep and will have them up over the weekend. I promise!

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Still taking recipes suggestions for names for the bunny we are getting tomorrow…..

I saw this last night.

I have no words.

I feel sick

Read this from Freak Parade. I emailed Mel and asked her if I could link to her cause she says it much better than me.

My post would be full of expletives.

And death threats.

And Why Mommy.

Today Why Mommy bestowed me with my very first blog bling. Yes, I am a blog bling virgin. Is it because I only came out of the blogging closet 5 weeks ago or is it because no one loves me? I am hoping it is the former.

Anyway. Thanks! I am honoured. Especially when it comes from someone whom I admire so much. Moo is wearing the pink connies today as I am flat out busy laying on the couch and acting all pathetic like.

Here is the bling baby!

smile.jpg

Now apparently (see I have no idea!) I have to pass it on to 10 (!) people that make me smile.

OK. In no particular order:

  • Emma at meanderingsofemma cause she is daring enough to blog about what she has spent in a day and be HONEST about it! Me, not-so-much, ‘yes honey those shoes were on sale for 5 bucks! Really! No, I don’t seem to have the receipt…… toast for dinner 3 nights in a row? Oh it’s cause Oprah said it was cleansing and increases brain function….. really!’
  • I definitely have to fling one by Grundir the Implacable at Mattress Police only cause it will get him all riled up and Dementor-like. I am a bitch like that. And I am a sucker for a guy with a cool name and wearing black and no face and stuff. Diesel can share it seeing he keeps me entertained on a regular basis and his comments here crack me up.
  • LaDaddy has to get one purely because he blogged about his daughter giving herself a dutch oven and I gaffawed so hard while sitting with the tiny terrorist last night that I woke the little turd up. Then he pulled out a magazine from under his bed and stared at womens legs for an hour. This is known as Boo Porn. That is a whole ‘nother post that I will explain at a later date, or tonight, or never and just keep you hanging. Cause, yet again, I am a bitch like that.
  • Can I give one to Erin! even though she doesn’t have a blog? I wanna give one to Erin! cause 1. She has a ! in her name which always makes me smile and 2. She writes amazingly looooong comments in the middle of the night without the aide of a coffee machine.
  • I HAVE to give one to White Trash Mom for her post today. I have blogged about it already but it still is cracking me up and has actually got me interested in crafting again. I have been lurking over there forever, ’bout time I showed some appreciation for her trashiness.
  • Certifiable Princess needs to be recognised cause she is totally mad. And crazy. And sometimes she is so gawd-damn-honest she moves me to tears. And cause she calls her husband ‘hotband’ and that is sooooo cool!
  • Oh, and for reminding my family about their love for all things Chuck Norris Verycontrary. I am sorta regretting that one cause Boo is getting in on the fun and Boo being Boo doesn’t know when to freaking STOP!

And cause I can plead ignorance in not knowing the rules for this blingyness I want to pass it on back to WhyMommy cause she is in my thoughts every day and cause I wish I lived closer to her cause I would love to squeeze her little boys, cook her dinner and sit and have a chat. There are a million people that I would like to bestow this blog bling on that have entertained me during the long loooooong nights of ‘sleep is an optional extra’ with my Boo. Distracting me from the continual shit and toothpaste sagas and the ever present reminder that my baby girls are now young women and don’t need me anymore….

And most importantly distracted me during the horror that was the week without real coffee. *shudder*

while hacking up a lung (yeah still!!!)

Verycontrary posted about Chuck Norris and pointed to this site. On long car trips the Magnetobold family have been known to spend hours reveling in Chucks Norrisness (Or listening to Wham! if the kids are pissing me off and I want payback). I admit I have never seen one of his movies, and honestly never care to, but hey, gotta love someone who has this said about him:

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Bwwaaaaa haaa haaaa!

And in the Oh. My. God. vein, don’t let small children see this when you open it unless you want to spend even more money on feminine hygiene products. (and donate even more GST to little Johnny for your luxury item).

Moo wants to make me the earrings.

I would like to thank White Trash Mom, my new superhero, for pointing me to our latest school holiday craft activity.