This is what greeted me this morning.

boos-room1.jpg

 

boos-room-2.jpg

He had the stealth ninja moves goin’ on BIG TIME to do this sorta desctruction so quietly.

1st photo: After ramming the door open this is what was on the floor. His bookshelf is behind the door. Really need to go through his books! Under the door of the wardrobe is a yellow laminated schedule for school. The rest of them are ripped to shreds. And STICKERS ON THE WALL!!! Where did the stickers come from?????

2nd photo: Bedding on the floor and the blow up mattress (my bed too many nights than I care to think about) on his bed.. It makes it bouncier! The green lounge where I sit most nights waiting for him to sleep and where I write most of my insanity. You can’t see in the photo but the seat cover is ripped now. The drawers opened and emptied…

The room was freaking SPOTLESS when the little turd went to sleep.

Together this morning while I was supervising him in the bath, we sang our own version of his current obsessional song – Bohemian Rhapsody.

Boo in blue, me in red (rather appropriate doncha think!) together in black

I see a big mess in Boo’s bedroom,
No you don’t No you don’t will you do the fandango-
Thunderbolt and lightning-very very frightening mum-
Mummy angry, Mummy Angry
Mummy angry, Mummy Angry
Mummy angry, figaro-magnifico-
But Im just a poor boy and nobody loves me-
Hes just a poor boy with a trashed bedroom-
Spare him his life from this ang-ry Mummeeeeee-
Easy come easy go-,will you tidy up
Bismillah! no-,I will not clean my room-
Bismillah! I will not clean my room-clean your room!
Bismillah! I will not clean my room-clean your room!
I will not clean my room-clean your room!
I will not clean my room-clean your room!
No,no,no,no,no,no,no-
Mama mia,mama mia,mama mia clean my room-

Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me,for me,for me-

Now if we could go through life like a musical my boy would be KING! I expect he will have all the kids lined up at school teaching them this today.

And Moo isn’t home!  Bwaaaa haaa haaa

She is gunna be pissed cause he is all Emo with the long fringe and black clothes and he has a MacBook like mine…….

He is a friend of DH’s from school.

So DH is having a playdate.

Am I supposed to serve them snacks and referee?  Offer to spot them playing on the trampoline?  *snigger*  It’s getting dark, should I call his mother to make sure that it is not his bedtime yet?

Is DH going to be asking to have a sleepover on a school night?

They are in the kitchen transferring files to one another and  discussing the finer points of why Macs are superior.  Apparently S has a new operating system for my computer and it looks freaking AMAZING!!!

Kewl.

So my husband has a playmate and I get a new toy for my computer.

And Too and I can’t wait to rib Moo about the fact there was a hot guy in our house, that apparently she chatted to briefly on MSN when her father wasn’t home…..

This is gunna be hilarious.  Need to make sure the camera is ready……

I’m making tshirts for Boo’s party. I am loving myself sick in the one for me.  I thunk it up all by myself.

dumbledoresbeard.jpg

*gaffaw* Oh how I crack myself up.

******************************

For those more delicate types that have no idea what this means…..

J.K. Rowling announced recently that Dumbledore is gay.

A beard is a woman that hangs out with a gay man as a decoy so people don’t know his sexual orientation.

Boo has been a crack up lately and here are a few snippets….. remembering that this kid had ‘no functional language’ 4 years ago.

In the car, I am singing along with a Pink CD. The song is ‘Nobody Knows’

Boo, turning down the music: ‘Mum stop being so morbid, sing something with a little BOUNCE in it, will ya?’

****

While having a haircut after school:

‘MAKEUP!!!!’ ……. like in the movies…

he wanted the brush to brush away the hair from his face.

****

This morning when I threw his school clothes at him:

‘What do you expect me to do with THIS?’

****

Caught by his teacher lining up 4 girls against a wall so he can stare at their legs:

‘I wasn’t doing annnyyyy thing! I was looking at their, their SOCKS!’

Thankfully the girls had no idea what he was up to. My Boo has an obsession with legs, mammal legs. People, dogs, horses…..

****

Moo was looking for her pillow. She searched the house. Finally she found it.

In the bathtub.

Boo had placed her pillow, a bag of toys, 4 towels, a chair, a computer game, a sandwich and a pair of pants in there.

What was he up to????? I don’t know, and neither does he.

****

Barely audible squeal from the hallway.

Terrified voice stage whispering ‘Daaaaadddyyyy!!!! Help me! Help ME!!! There is a scorpion!!! A SCORPION!!! Daaaaaadddyyyyyyy!’

And here is the terrifying creature.

scorpion.jpg

Moo took the photo. The line is the grout of the tiles. The ‘scorpion’ was an earwig. I fell about laughing while he cowered in the corner screaming ‘Stop it Mummy!  It’s not fuuuunnnneeeee!”
Boo now knows the word for earwig…..

*****

Watching the TV. John Howard is on. Boo looks at the televison.

‘Loser’

Hmm, me wonders if the child is psychic!

‘Boo are we going to win the lotto?’

‘Don’t be silly Mummy!’

Darn.

*****

That freakin’ Macca’s ad is driving us all insane.

The chick on the radio was singing it too for-Christ-sakes….. AND not getting paid for it.

It is ingrained in our psyche.

So tonight we are having Maccas. Cause I can’t get that stupid jingle outta my head.

Boo decided what I was having, a cheeseburger with BACON.

Then he turned to me and said

‘You want single, double, quadruple or quintuple bacon on your burger?’

Can I have a side order of trip-to-the-hospital-to-clean-out-my-arteries with that?

china-toys.jpg

My girlfriend A, sent me this today. I was bitching about all the toy recalls because of lead. She thought Boo might like to have a go at this one. Oh I laughed until I stopped. Biatch. In the nicest possible way of course….

I have a chewer. The kid chews everything. Toys, books, fences, clothes, a used emery board. A apparently unbreakable disability specific ‘chew toy’.

A coffee table.

coffee-table.JPG

I wonder if it was made in China??

I just got in the door (well technically I got in the door about 1/2 an hour ago…..) and this is what greeted me.

Peals of laughter coming from the family room.

You know that contagious, deep belly kid gaffaws that make you smile the second you hear them?

Boo is in there. The PS2, as usual, is on full volume, Taz Wanted blaring, Taz bouncing on a trampoline making a weird banging noise. The out of nowhere the sound of an elephant trumpeting (? Is that even a word?)

And Boo. Bent over laughing so hard that I am sure there are tears in his eyes.

Hitting a Teletubbie repeatedly over the head with a hammer.

This seems to be a continual theme in my life, so I created a whole new catergory for it! See? Over there in the sidebar? Oh, how I wish it wasn’t necessary….

First of all I need to explain the layout of our home. It is a relatively large place, but the majority of its largeness is centered in the living areas and the bathroom (yeah, what’s the deal with that! The previous owners in their wisdom thought, hey lets make the bathroom HUGE with a 3 person spa that is a pain in the arse to clean, with enough room around it to swing an elephant but the master bedroom so small that you can barely open the door when you chuck a queen sized bed in there) and the bedrooms are all squished down one end.

Our room is at the end, Boo’s room across the hall and then Too’s and then, finally Moo’s. Then down the hallway to the largeness of the living areas. Our bedroom window faces the neighbours lounge. So not much privacy, ifyouknowwhatImean, nudge nudge wink wink.

Anyway, after last nights conversation with the FIA girls about House starting back on Wednesday (Corr!!! Oh Hugh Laurie as House…..) Anthony the Blue Wiggle and Harrison Ford, and the prospect of DH starting back at work on Monday, I was feeling rather, ahem, amorous…..

With Boo sleeping (YEESSSS!!!) and Too away for the weekend, we took the opportunity to perform our marital duties. Now this could possibly be toooooo much information, but it is an important part of my sorry tale. I am not the quietest of people in these situations. What can I say? It’s a gift. A gift that DH is thankful for, especially to the guy that I keep talking to throughout……

So after a lovely nights sleep, I wander out of bed and sit down with a cuppa to read my bloglines.

Moo wanders out and looks at DH.

‘What time did you go to bed last night?’

‘Oh, about 3, I couldn’t sleep so I came out to watch TV for a while so I didn’t disturb your mother’ NOTHING would have disturbed me, I was sleeping the sleep of the dead exhausted *snigger* and snoring like a truck changing gears….. apparently.

‘I couldn’t sleep either’ dark look at DH ‘ I went to sleep around 2’

*choke*

I stare at my keyboard, not seeing the words swimming before me. I compose myself.

‘Why couldn’t you sleep, babe?’ I cooly ask. Well I hope it was cooly…..

‘Oh cause I slept in yesterday, so I stayed up reading.’ She is not looking me in the eye.

Trying desperately to save face. ‘You really shouldn’t spend that long with your Ipod in you know, it will hurt your ears’ Please, please GOD! Please tell me you had your Ipod on!!!

‘Nah, I wasn’t listening to my Ipod’.

Shit.

She leaves the room.

I turn to DH in absolute horror. ‘Do you think she heard us?’ I whisper

DH (the negative form) snickers. ‘You were pretty loud. I expect the neighbours will bring us a fruit basket as thanks for the night time entertainment’

Shit.

Excuse me while I go back and hide in that cupboard.

But while I am there, please PLEASE someone share their equally embarrassing tale of getting caught out by children, especially teens, to make me feel a little bit better? Gunna have to wear those red heels all week to compliment the shade of my face.