I am debating on a new name for my husband.

DH is just not cutting it any more. Not since Mario-porn-star. THAT name suited him.

But once he shaves off that Mo. Won’t really ‘go’.

He wants to be known as Sex God. SG for short. Methinks Stupid Git is more appropriate.

Or Wog Boy. That is certainly descriptive.

Here is the final photo of the monstrosity.

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Rather pathetic really, for a whole months growth. His chest hair is thicker….

So my lovely internets again I am coming to you to name another family member.

I guess you want a little something for your trouble. How about when I amend ‘The Magnetobold Family” page at the top there to update DH/Mario-porn-star’s details, your name and permanent link to your blog. That page gets around 5 or so views a day so that is a lot of lovin’ right there.

OK, let the madness begin. I will keep comments and nominations open till Monday evening.

And I am waking him at midnight (cause you know I will still be up, sigh) and shaving the bastard off.  He can choose to co-operate or not.  I have my girlfriends Epi-lady here, and we know that hurts like fuck.  Hmmmm, could be rather entertaining……

Moo and Too are staying at my parents.

Boo has been sleeping through the night.

He is tired.

There is wine.

Bugger Movember.

Mummy needs a new coffee machine.

*snigger*

A common phrase in this household is:

‘you are going to blog about this aren’t you’

my response ‘I fair am.’

Everything and everyone is fair game.

Once on a blog someone mentioned that if a man is right handed his left testicle will hang lower. And vice versa. Apparently there was a study or something (methinks high school boys?)

So I went in to DH. He was asleep.

I lifted up the bed covers to look.

‘Whaaaat?’ came the mumbled sleep filled voice from the bed. Asshat went to bed while I was up with the little turd bouncing off the walls.

‘Which hangs lower, left or right? C’mon inquiring minds wanna know!’

A cloud came across his face. ‘Your blogging about this aren’t you?’

I hightailed it outta there.

The next morning while he was doing his manly duties, making me a bucket-o’-latte, he called me into the kitchen.

‘You know that question you asked me last night?’

I stepped carefully out of reach…

‘Yeeeeesssss?’ I cagily replied

‘Well tell them no. I am right handed and the left is higher’

Cool. Excuse me while I go and update……

************

Speaking of blog fodder and DH.  Here is the latest MoFoTo.

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Edwardo the pool boy has no fear of losing his job.  Nor the pizza delivery guy.

It is less waaa waka waa waa, more waaaat the fuck were you thinking Mario. mario.jpeg

So my husband (DickHead today) crawls out of his death bed, has a shower and seems all happy and bouncy.

I’m all I-said-no-Movember-boy when he shows me how much better he is feeling.

So I send him out to get sanitary napkins for his daughters *snort*

As he is pulling out the driveway I call ‘Get me a present for looking after your sick arse all week!’

Hmmm, flowers would be nice.

Maybe some decadent treat for me to nibble while begging the tiny terrorist to just sleep just a little…

A voucher to my favourite shoe store?

No.

He walks in. Swaggers almost.

‘Gimme my present!’ I yell like a five year old.

He saunters up to me. A huge smile on his face.

And he bought me this.

chocchip-cookies.jpg

Fucking Arsehole.

And he actually said, before I put his testicles in a choke hold,

‘So do I know what my wife likes or what?’

No DickHead. They are your daughters favourite…….

here are my new shoes

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You must realise the trauma I am going through to post this.  DH and Boo have got grumbly tummies and there is a permanent green haze enveloping the house.  I have ventured inside from my hidey hole outside to post this for you all, my lovelies.

DH took the photo this morning just before I left for work.

DH ‘What is the photo for’

Me ‘Stop grumbling and take the freaking photo, or I will do it myself’

DH ‘If I angle this camera right, I can see right up your skirt’

Me ‘Not in Movember, buddy’

DH eyeing me warily ‘Do any men read your blog?’

Me ‘What?  Nah, it’s just about housework and cooking and shit.  Nothing guys would be interested in.  Only women blog.  It’s so not a guy thing’

DH ‘So why do you care that you think your ankles look fat in the photo?’

Me ‘Cause women are biatches and I gotta keep the lesbians happy’

DH with a glint in his eye ‘Lesbians?  Did you say lesbians?’

Me ‘Fuck off idiot.  It aint never EVER gunna happen, now give me that camera before you end up with a stiletto in the forehead’

Movember is moving along and the growth on DH’s face is slowly progressing from dirty smudge to what-is-that-on-your-upper-lip.

mofoto.jpg

And the great No-Sex-For-You-Come-Back-One-Month continues…….

And now he has to wear a silly hat to work on Wednesday to raise money for some other cause.

And he can wear the bloody thing on the bus. That’ll teach him to total his freaking car and then let it rust in the yard cause he couldn’t be bothered doing anything about it. Asshat.

Ooooh, that’s an idea. An asshat.

Better get the craft box out.

So this is what greeted DH when he got home tonight.

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Cause now DH is a fully fledged geek.

His midlife meltdown is over and he is now an IT professional.

On Thursday he went to do some work experience at a large IT company.  He was there for 3 hours when he was offered a job.

On Friday he went to work where he is a casual and told them of the offer.

Today they came back with an offer of more money than the other job to stay.

So even though he hasn’t even finished his course, he had two large corporations fighting over him.  His head was so inflated when he got through the door his fledgling Mo was nearly sucked right back into his face.

But he was soon brought crashing down to earth by the little sign tacked onto the bottom of Moo’s show of daughterly love.

If you look closely it says ‘I hate you’

Apparently it is a joke.  Boo was trying to make a joke.  So the Teletubbies stalking me in the middle of the night at the end of his arm whispering ‘Kill, Kill, Kill’ must be hilarious in his twisted mind….

Anyway.  DH is rather impressed with himself.  The first two things he thought of when he accepted the job?

Security for his family?

Being able to pay for the ‘free education’ we enjoy in Australia that will be thousands come January when Moo’s VCE course books need to be acquired and teachers bribed course fees paid?

His wonderful wife being able to buy all the shoes that she can eat?  (Sorry, Spamalot is in Australia and Monty Python skits are looping in my head)

Food on the freaking table?

No.

DH thinks now he has a well paying job he can buy another laptop.  And his wife is gunna put out.  In the middle of Movember.

I don’t think so buddy.  I have a song by Pink I want you to listen to.