comments from the Dude


Today we went out to lunch.

At a restaurant that didn’t ask if you wanted fries with that. Well, they asked if we wanted garlic bread and if they didn’t the sign said that they would give it to us for free.

But it had cutlery and shit. So as restauranty as we Magneto Bolds get right now.

We took up a large table with all the relatives left over from my Dads party the day before.

Boo, still showing the effects of the ear infections, ulcerated throat, antibiotic overload and ripping out one of his teeth

tooth.jpg

because it was bothering him, was still in anti-Autism mode. So we took the plunge to do something normal……

He he he. Some would call me delusional….. you would be right.

Food was ordered. Gasps were heard over the prices of the steak ($30!!!!). Bodily functions were discussed.

Yes, we are White Trash.

As we were a large table, the food came out in waves. Of course Boo was last. How hard is it to serve the kid first? All he ordered was a freaking bowl of chips.

The kid was on his 2nd glass of kiddie crack lemonade when his bowl finally came out. He inhaled them he was so hungry.

‘Excuse me waiter! Hey garcon!’ my little angel bellowed complete with clicking his fingers in the general direction of the kitchen ‘More chips please!’

‘No Dude, you have had enough’ I finally spluttered after almost choking on my chicken and having to pick my Auntie off the floor where she was writhing with mirth.

‘Oh’ my dejected little connoisseur muttered.

The waitress walked past after serving another table.

‘Excuse me server!’ he bellowed again ‘I need more lemonade. Oh, and pleeeeeeaase!’

He beamed at me. Proud for using his manners.

The woman glared at him and then me and walked away.

Now this classy establishment is a place where you go to the counter, order your meal and then they bring it to the table. There is no table service.

Unless you put your feet on the table. Then you get lots of table attention. But that was our previous visit.

I took Boo up to the counter to order a lemonade. That is when I discovered that he had taken off his shoes….

and his pants.

Hmmmm.

OK, back to the table. Redressed and back to the counter. He ordered his drink and we wandered back to the table where Mario-porn-star had started the political discussion that I warned him not to before we arrived.

Warned is probably not strong enough a word. More like talk-about-the-election-and-I-will-tape-electrodes-to-your-testicles-while-you-sleep threat. My family gets rather heated when it comes to all things political. And it doesn’t help that we are on very different sides of the fence.

I glared at Mario-porn-star, he clutched his testicles and Moo turned to Too and laughed. My girls have learnt early the way to strike terror in a mans heart.

We paid the bill, lamented that it was half my grocery bill for the week and made our way home.

No tears. No tantrums. No balls in a vice.

A total success! Well for our family anyway.

We are all still full from lunch so we are having a light dinner.

And Boo is eating a stick he found in the garden. Tasty.

The party is over.

One more to go, but six days to recover.

Boo had a wonderful time. The kids were well behaved. A couple I wanted to strangle. A couple I want to adopt. 10 kids didn’t show, 6 had tummy bugs and their parents called to apologise –WOW – one mum went as far as popping over before the party to say J wasn’t coming but here is Boo’s present anyway……. How cool is that!

27 kids. 5 surly teenagers until the 6 month old baby came, then marshmallows in Emo garb. 4 adults. 3 conversations with the ‘ferals’ – one of them is growing a freaking BEARD! So I asked her how she liked my t-shirt. Bwaaaa haaa haaa!

Everyone but T had a good time. T is a tiny little dynamo, blindingly street smart with amazing blue eyes. She drives me nuts sometimes she is so freaking adult, but I love the kid. She was having a good time until I had to tell her off. She was on the trampoline with a boy and beating the living shit out of him.

It was a fun wrestling game that quickly got out of hand after she had eaten her body weight in unicorn turds (aka mini meringues). She was physically picking him up and body slamming him down. The boy (also T) was trying to save face cause T is half his size. But enough was enough. I ended up having to scream at T to get off him.

He’s all like ‘It didn’t hurt’,  ‘I’m OK’,  ‘I let her do it’ (so brave for a 7 year old) limping into the house trying to hide his tears. I sat T down and told her that she really shouldn’t do that cause she could get hurt one day when someone fights back.

‘Don’t worry Kelley, I can take care of myself’

Damn right she can. She scares me!

So T spent the rest of the party sulking. Refusing cake, icypoles and further turns on the trampoline. She sat out the potions class and pretended to be unimpressed with the teens ‘exploding’ experiments. Oh, it was so wife-pissed-off-at-husband-get-back-by-punishing-myself, I was stunned.  And amused.

Boo got some amazingly thoughtful gifts, adorable cards (lots of ‘you are a good friend’, ‘I love you’, ‘we are best friends’ handwritten cards *sob*) and some what-the-fuck presents.

The 2 blocks of DAIRY MILK chocolate from the woman I was lamenting having to do everything dairy free to and she gave me a fucking RECIPE. WTF?

This make your own animation thingy that plugs into the TV…. oooh it is so cool! AMAZING!

A dirty ball. You could have fucking washed it first before re-gifting dickhead. WTF

The mum that called from out the front to ask what to buy Boo….. I told her $5 in a card is perfect. She walked in the door 1 minute later, $10 in a generic card……. LMAO

Tons of artist supplies. Pens, paper, paints, sketch pads, textas, crayons, artist canvas, coloured pencils, charcoal….. Boo will be set for at least a month 🙂 BRILLIANT

The weather was perfect. A little warm but the rain held off. Thank you everyone for doing those little anti rain dances for me.

After everyone had gone and Boo had enough time to decompress, he came to me.

‘You know what Mummy?’

‘What my Boo?’

‘It was a great party’

‘Yes it was precious. Did you have a good time’

‘I did. Fun was had by all’

Yes, indeed. Everything was so worth it just to have that conversation with my Boo.

You rock Boo. Now it is 10.30pm, get the fuck to sleep.

***************

I will update the party blog with more details and photos over the next couple of days. Right now I have a hot date with a huge glass of red and a footspa.

My Boo asked me this question this morning.  And then.
‘How do you spell reliasation?’

‘Why Boo?  What do these words mean to you?’

Boo smiles at me ‘It means ‘oh yeah’ and truth’

Wow.

‘Where did you hear these words Dude?’

‘The Simpsons.’

And here I was thinking the Simpsons were baaaaaad……

Yeah I know, 4th post today.  But I had to share this little gem 🙂

Boo comes into me and says:

‘Who cares what Dad did.  He is not your slave’

then he grabs my arms and folds them and tells me to say

‘I wish he was’

Kid is very perceptive.  LMAO

Mmmmm, bucket cup of coffee……

latte

Sitting down now to have a bit of a surf and a giggle at this blog

It is SERIOUSLY not a blog for delicate souls with lots of swearing yada yada, but when she talks about her mother, oh my, I was cringing with her and guffawing my coffee all over the keyboard. Don’t know what the etiquette (netiquette, blogiquette? Whatever!) is for linking to another blog, s’pose I should swing over there and leave her a comment telling her how she has brightened my day 🙂

House is pretty much done, just need to make the bed *Doh!* and empty the dishwasher when it finishes and tackle the ever present mount Everest in the laundry. Boo is at school today cause it is swimming day. Conversation this morning went something like this:

Me: Hey Dude, how are you today?

Boo: *mumble*

Me: How is your ear?

Boo: Shhhh.

Me: Are you Ok to go to school today?

Boo: It is Wednesday 22nd August. Swimming today.

Me: That’s right. But do you feel OK to go to school?

Boo: I have to go to school. I have to give something back. Not cash though, just need to give something back to the kids.

Me: *bloggle* OK, so you are good then?

Boo: *gets up and starts wandering around the room* Gunna give something back, that is my duty….

Still shaking my head about that one 🙂 I have to pick him up early this afternoon cause his teacher is not in today and they have a sub that he has never met before, but I have. Yes I know this guy and I do not like him in the slightest. There is no way Boo will be left in his class on his own this afternoon when his aide time runs out. This pig of a man does not cope with kids, let alone special needs kids.

Bucket cup of coffee is drained now so better get back to it. Got 2 hours before cyclone Boo comes home and I still need to don the industrial strength gloves to clean the toothpaste that mysteriously exploded all over his bedroom and scrub the poo smeared doonas – again. Considering dyeing the bloody things brown so I don’t have to worry about stains. Hmm that is an idea. I could do the carpet and lounge suite too…… all the things he loves to wipe his arse on. Which reminds me, I need to get new toothbrushes….

DS is sick 😦 So sick that we had to take him to the doctor. He
can’t tell me what is wrong but he is sad, lethargic and his voice is
‘fading out’ (DS’s words). Put him in bed with me last night and he
was asleep by 9.30 and woke every hour or so for a cuddle. But stayed
in bed which is unusual for him. So off to the doctor we trundle.

This is a new surgery and Dr so DS did his usual tantie out the
front, imaginary rub out of the building and re draw.

Eyes averted, clutching of small children or open shocked stares as
we walk in the waiting room. Consider stripping naked to see if
anyone bats an eye, but instead concentrate on finding a seat as far
away from the terrified occupants of the waiting room so they don’t
have to acknowledge our existence. And these people didn’t see the
tantie outside, just DS flapping his arms as we walked in.

Love this surgery as we only just put our bottoms on the seat when we
were called (gotta love it when the receptionist has a nephew with
Autism!).

So we walk in and greet the lovely jolly Russian doctor.
DR: ‘Hello XX, how are you?’
DS: ‘ Good thankyou. Your face smells like ham’
Horrified gasps and attempts at apologies from Dh and I
DR: taken aback ‘Ok then, you don’t want to eat it though cause I need my face’
DS smiles
DR: ‘Do you have a sore throat?’
DS: ‘What are you some sort of quack?’
Cue horrified groans of embarrassment from the parental units
DR laughing: ‘No but I will help you.”
DS ‘OK’

then DS let him look in his mouth and ears! Rest of the appt was
fabulous. Turns out DS has a severe throat infection as well as both
ears. Sigh. Looks like I will need to stock up on toilet paper
again, LOL as he is on antibiotics. Dr gave him a pen because he was
so good. Couldn’t have given him a better present (well perhaps a
laptop!) as DS is obsessed with drawing 🙂

Walk out of the Dr’s room, smile happily at the still terrified but
now annoyed waiting room (well we did just walk straight in!) pay the
bill and leave.

Probably the best visit to the doctor we have ever had!

Kelley