blogging


Two very exciting things have happened today. And I am jumping out of my skin with excitement!

Firstly. I was wiping Boo’s arse earlier and noticed that he had his first solid bowel movement EVA! Boo has been gluten free since ‘toddler diarrhoea’ didn’t clear up by the time he was four. We started a half arsed *snort* gluten challenge but over the last couple of days he has been eating hot dog rolls till they have been coming out the wazoo. And solid!

Oh. My. Freaking GOD!!! I am so excited I could just, well, share my sons toilet habits with the internets. I am just bouncing people. Looked just like the Mr Hanky I packed away with the Christmas decos.

I swear it freaking winked at me and said BoooYaah!!!

I resisted the urge to take a photo for you all. I concede that some may not be as enamored by my sons fecal floaties.

And the second thing. Well I am sure I will be forgiven for announcing this after a good bowel movement, but today sees the launch of the newest most exciting Aussie Blogging forum in the world! It was supposed to be a secret till tomorrow. I was planning on having a play and wielding my magic moderating powers without an audience. I was going to do a vague post and keep you guessing and begging and sending me shoes to get me to tell, but then Meg, Snoskred and Andrew let the cat out of the proverbial Gucci puppy carrier.

The Aussie Bloggers Community project is born! Here is the link to the forum. We are all having fun in there right now and literally hundreds of people have visited since the unofficial launch at 6pm.

Meg has done all the hard work with the linking and stuff so pop over there to read all about it:

Dipping in the blogpond

Or just click on all three of their names and read what they have to say, oh and subscribe to their feeds. You will thank me! (Don’t forget to subscribe to mine too! Bwaaa haaa haaa!)

And then get your arses over to the forums! Oh and my lovely overseas friends, it’s not just for Aussie sheilas and blokes 🙂

Just don’t forget to come back ya hear?

Well, well, well….. Looks like I definitely still have my moderators hat on cause there was not a fuck, shit, biatch in sight. Must be mellowing in my old age. Probably something to do with that red shit on my leg. That apparently no one but me can see…..

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I am over guest posting at Snoskred’s today.

A post inspired by bone tiredness, too much wine and spending the day with my awesome Daddy.

No swearing in sight.  Really freaking hard, especially after the last couple of days.

If you want me to come and mess up your blog, offend your readers or do a shoe parade, just click on the ‘Talk to me’ button up the top there and let me know where and when.

Just remember the coffee.  Skinny latte with a extra shot.

Two posts in a row where I am not pissed with someone. That has to be some sorta record or something. Wonder if this means I will keep my potty mouth in check.

Fuck no.

Well I have had a very eventful week which I will bullet point for your reading pleasure.

  • Week off from work. Cause my boss lurves me. Bliss….
  • Boo went on his first school excursion without me. And had a ball! All the parents that went along took photos of my little man, cause they all love him!
  • Found out who Boo’s teacher and aide are for next year. Shhhhhh, I am not supposed to know yet. But I am very very VERY happy!
  • Won a competition over at All for Women. A fantabulous 48 page photobook from Click on print to give to my brother in the Navy AKA The Golden Child.
  • Almost finished my Christmas shopping for the kids
  • Made the top 200 bloggers (by the skin of my teeth!) and top 50 Aussie Women Bloggers.
  • Dressed as a Ninja and cracked myself up
  • Got pampered and caught up with all the gossip while getting a FABULOUS haircut that I lurve, lurve LURVE!!! Less than three, Sebastian, less than three….
  • Got this fabulous bit of bling from Ree the Hotfessional llama.jpg and will pass it on to LA Daddy cause I gave him some bling eons ago and he came looking for it the other day. And because I am a lazy biatch, I will just fling him some new bling. AND it was his birthday party yesterday and he managed to get his boss to cater. I bow to your awesomeness LA Daddy, cause although mine is my biatch, he usually only gets me coffee. Oh and Diesel, cause he asked so nicely *snigger* and cause his blog rocks . (and I am supposed to say that this bling originated at Simplycuriousgirl)
  • I bought coffee 4 times this week. And it was worth it. Mmmmmmmm.
  • Got nominated again for Hottest Mommy Blogger and Best Parenting Blog at the Bloggers Choice Awards *snort* So vote for me biatches. You know you want to. Click on the linkies in the sidebar or right here. I don’t care just vote for me. I know you have to register and shit, but c’mon I dressed like a Ninja and make you spurt liquid outta ya noses….
  • Lost a kilo. Minutes after my haircut. Yeah, there was that much hair. Went from super freaking long and heavy to lighter and just super long. Without the freaking. Oh and I don’t know if I have mentioned but I lurve lurve LURVE it….
  • Woke to brown murals all over the walls and it wasn’t shit! It was chocolate. Woulda licked the walls clean but I was pretty sure those hands were up some bodily crevice before hand.
  • Although Boo is in his sleep-is-an-optional-extra phase again, he is staying in his room. Might have a little weeny bit to do with I am not leaving any lights on in the rest of the house any more and he is too freaking scared to leave his room. *Slaps head* WHY didn’t I think of that years ago!!!!
  • Got an email from the fabulously freaky Kim who has been trying to nominate my post ‘Letter to my neighbours’ for the, and I quote, ‘aussie post thingy at Club Troppo’ and keeps getting an error message. *smootch* babe, just that you have tried over and over makes me less than three ya more!
  • Bullet points are fun. I could go on and on but then you will forget to vote for me as a Hottie. Cause I soooo wanna be a hottie.

So till tomorrow when I find someone to despise or ridicule I will leave you in the warm glow of Kelley being happy.

And another Christmas tree…

loungeroom-tree.jpg

This is the lounge tree. Yes it is still leaning. Goddamnit!

As I sit here with an overwhelmed, overloaded with junk food from a party where in a weak moment I threw caution (and any hope of sleep tonight) to the wind and said ‘what the hell eat what you want’, bouncing off the walls with red ears and face, farting like Satans spawn little boy I have been thinking about you all.

I have been overwhelmed by the support and love of the internets.

Everyday someone emails me saying that I put a smile on their face or a spurt of coffee on their keyboard.

Everyday someone mentions that my miserable existence brightens their day.
Everyday I feel the love of the blogosphere and I want to send you money and shoes.

But seeing I have no money and there is no way in HELL I am parting with my shoes, I thought I would give you a little something.
Consider it an early Christmas present for the wonderful people all over the world that visit my little corner of the internet and make me squeal with delight when I see your comments or mention of me on your blogs that I stalk visit.

So without further ado, I present you the Blog Bling.

i-less-than-3-your-blog.jpg

I made it all myself.

Yeah, alright. We all know how freaking clueless I am (right Veronica?;) ) so Moo did it. But it was my idea! Honest. Truly. I dragged her away from playing Sims or Quiddich World Cup or chatting up a 40 year old man in his underpants on Myspace or somesuch and made her with the threat of no Santa asked her to help me design it.

Now the explanation. When the girls and I want to express our mutual admiration in public we say ‘Less than Three’. If you look at it sideways:

It looks like a heart. So I heart you.

And I do. Every one of you. Even the hundreds of lurkers (I know you are there…. bwaaaa haaa haaa!) and if you poke out your head and leave a comment you can have one too!

So here is the list of the first ‘I less-than-three your Blog!’ recipients in absolutely NO particular order …..

Drumroll please…..

Veronica

Meg

Kim

Madmad

Lightening

Robin

Maddy

Ree

Fab

Contrary

Cellobella

Riayn

Bettina

Erin!

Lisa

VE

Stimey

Whymommy

Mystarbucks

Stella

Girl

Tiffany

Vic Jodi

Missy

Gina

kin

alyndabear

Babychaos

Once you take your button you need to do the usual crap, pass it on and link back here from whence it came so I can check up on you see how the love is traveling around the blogosphere and explain what it means for the idiots people that don’t know that expression.

Now this took me all fucking night (c’mon I had to slip it in here somewhere, I am trying to break the Guinness Book Of Records record for the pottiest mouthed Mummy on the planet) so pass it on to the blogs you deem worthy.

And if you don’t I will send that Ninja chick and her minions Stealth Ninja Moves Boy and Ninja Biatch to steal your Christmas trees.

*************

Now I don’t expect you to tag 28 people. I did 28 in honour of Boo as it is his favourite number. I also understand that a lot of people don’t do ‘buttons’ and will not want to play well that freaking sucks big fat hairy bleeding haemorroids that is OK. Just know that I lurve you!

And no sulking if I forgot you today. I will fling you some bling ASAP.

**************

edited to add:

If the link to your blog is not working, shoot me an email (‘Talk to me’ up the top there) and I will fix it. I was a bit tired last night 🙂 Veronica and Riayn, I am on it and will fix your links today sometime after I clean all the chocolate off the walls that Boo found in the middle of the night. At least it wasn’t shit and toothpaste!!!!

I am tired. We are on night 4 of the fucking stealth ninja moves (AKA Boo wandering around the house and keeping me up! Ninja day is TOMORROW Boo….. shiiiiite)

Any way. A quickie tonight, not a longie. Any one guess what movie that is paraphrased from? It is obscure, like me…. but here is a hint, it is about a vampire. The line is ‘No. With you never a quickie, always a longie.’

Yeah, I’ve had some wine. Can you tell *snigger*

I am glad that everyone else is as pissed at Blogger as I am. I have seen a few posts saying that people using other blogging platforms are just bitching because they are not getting the ‘link’. Asshats. Betcha those biatches would be the first to bitch if their pretty little avi’s disappeared…

But as a whole, there is a shit load of bloggers up in arms about this little scheme of Blogger. Meg the amazing has another post up with more information. Pop over there and have a look, oh and tell her I sent you cause then she will lurve me *smirk*

Now everyone is waiting with bated breath (WTF does that mean, you smell like fish heads? Wiggling dying worms? Ewwy. Go brush your teeth) to hear the fate of the Bathroom Tree™. Well as the inmates went all girly on me I relented and took the gorgeous tree out of the bathroom. It is now in the hall

hallway-tree.jpg

Isn’t it purdy? The door on the left is my room and the right is Boo’s so we get the scent of Christmas all night long. Mmmmmm

But you didn’t think I would let the bastards off that easily did you?  Scarlett needs her tree as God as her witness remember? So here is the bathroom tree.

bathroom-tree2.jpg

Fuckers have moved it over. But I got em back. Oh yes I did, dear internets. They now have the pleasure of tinkling while they tinkle. See those ‘baubles’?

They are BELLS!!! Just brush past the tree slightly and the sound of bells echoes through the house! Bwaaaa haaaa haaaaa!

Teach em to mess with me and my tree.  Now I need some wine induced sleep.

*************** 

Comments are still open to think of a new name for Mario-porn-star.  Well at least until I work out how to do a poll on this blog so you can vote properly.  Meg?  Snoskred?  Help a chick out?  Again? 

Arseholes.

I have just spent the last 2 hours visiting some of your blogs. But my speed was hindered by the fact that fucking Blogger has changed the commenting rules.

Bastards.

When I visit your blog I want you to know that it was me. Some of you know me as Kelley, some as Magnetobold. So when I go to your blog you just need to click on the name to see ‘who the fuck is Kelley?’ and realise it is that mad Magnetobold chick without the Christmas scented nether regions.

But you can’t now can you.

Cause fucking Blogger changed the rules. So I have to manually add my blog addy, instead of just typing ‘H’ and it comes up.

Rat-fuck-son-of-a-bitch.

It is pissing me off no end. But there is a solution!!!! Yay for solutions!!!!

After chatting to Meg and Ree and posting to the WordPress forums I can give you Blogger bloggers a solution to stop me (and other commenters, cause they might be important to you..) getting my knickers in a knot.

Meg the amazing pointed me to this post where people were discussing the problem.

Ree uses this commenting form,

It is Haloscan. And the added bonus is commenters need to provide an email addy (like with WordPress that is never revealed to anyone but the blogger) so you can privately contact someone if need be, or if you prefer. IT ROCKS!!

So come on guys, stop Blogger from taking the option of linking to blogs that are not Blogger and also trying to get us all to register blogger blogs and check out Haloscan.

Or come over to WordPress 🙂

yeah, this thing has been holding me back.

What about BlogEveryHourWeek or HowMuchCrapCanYouTypeInOneDayMonth?

Actually today I am rather proud of myself. I didn’t have to resort to endless memes, nothing posts (well except maybe this one, but a bird was terrified by a fart, so it was something) or just linking to blogs I like. Which is what I was afraid I would do….

And looks like I must be doing something right cause today this little blog debuted in the top 200 Australian blogs! Oh. My. Freaking. Gawd. Not something I was expecting after only being around just over 3 months! Pop over to Megs blog Dipping in the Blogpond to see the others. I am number 199 or something *snort*

Thankyou my lovelies, I feel special!

So now what I want you to do (besides thinking of a name for Mario-porn-star) is click on that button over there ‘add this blog to my technorati favourites’ and then go and claim your blog. Helps us both out apparently. Makes my little number go up as well as yours and you too could be dancing around the loungeroom manically squealing ‘In your face, In your face, I am a Suuuuuperstaaaaaaaar!’ or something similar while the boy and the bunny look at you like you are insane.

The boy who is nekid and fondling the next tooth he is planning to extract and the bunny who we think has Tourettes. They are judging me……

I told Mario-porn-star. He was flabbergasted that people would actually want to read my blog. Seeing it is just about cooking and housework *gaffaw*. Might actually come clean with him one day.

I told my girlfriend H.  She looked at me incredulous and said ‘You have a blog?’  Oh. Right.  I forgot.  I haven’t told anyone I know in real life about this little thing…..

So this potty mouthed, fab shoe wearing, coffee ho is a happy little chicky tonight, loving the peeps in cyberland.

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