blogging


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Yeah, what the cat said.

No one lives here anymore.

Come and join the party over at magnetoboldtoo.com

Cause I went all upmarket and self-hosted and shite.

Yeah, I am awesome, I know.

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Why are you still here?

I moved like, last month.

Come on. The new blog is here:

Magnetoboldtoo.com

I will take you over with me. I just popped back to check the mail.

Oh, and we will update your feedreader on the way K?

HI!!!

Oh my GAWD!  Did I forget to tell you?  I am such a bint! 

Magneto Bold Too moved!

Pop over to MagnetoBoldToo.com to join in the party.

Lock the door and turn out the lights before you leave.

Ta.

Yeah, apparently YESTERDAY was delurker day. No bastard told ME though….

So all my fav US blogs are proudly displaying this badge:

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Oh how I loves me some flashing cartoon guy.

And saying nice things to their peeps to get them to come out of lurkdom and say howdy.

Well you know I don’t work like that.

You know I have a mean streak. Especially when we are on day 450 of 40C temps and my breasticles are melting. Even with ice cubes in my bra.

And the fucking nits are back.

And it is killing me to drink my stinking hot latte, but I do it anyway cause it is my crack.

And Boo is screaming at the dishwasher cause MPS forgot to put it on last night and I HAVE to put those freaking Christmas plates away. Even though I love them so…. and I don’t do handwashing.

And from my position on top of the airconditioner with the laptop and said steaming hot cup-o-joe I can see Boo emptying the drawers in the kitchen, the hole he has ripped in the carpet (!!!) and ants trying to find a way in through the window. Oh and now he is coming at me with a staysharp knife saying ‘Mummy open this!’ I can’t see anything but the cool steel blade.

Hmm, it looks cool. Maybe if I rest my face against it….

Oh yes my lovelies, I have lost it. Big time.

So come out of lurkdom. Say hello. Or get the fuck away from that knife. Or make sure someone takes photos. Or something.

See if we can make this blog explode.

And if you don’t? I won’t tell you where I am moving to.

Cause I am that much of a biatch.

************

Edited to add: Thanks to Veronica for the updated badge. Smootches.

BooYah!

Last night I had 8 hours and 20 minutes sleep. I am physically swooning at the thought of it.

That’s FIVE HUNDRED minutes sleep.

*swoon*

MPS ended up sitting with Boo for me. Got him in his bed at 9pm.

The kid was asleep by 9.15pm.

Bastard.

I asked MPS if he farted in there, therefore knocking the kid out in a stench induced coma.

MPS hypothesizes that perhaps he is just boring.

I concur.

I went to work with a bounce in my fabulous shoe’d step.

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With time enough this morning to paint my toenails a pretty shade of pink!

Now for the apologies. I have memes and awards backed up here. Gunna need some hospital grade enemas to clear them methinks. But I know there are more.

Remember the other day when I was whinging about Firefox and deleting my post? Well half of those zillions of windows I had open were memes to ‘remind’ me to do them.

So of course they are gone. *sob* GONE!

So please, if you tagged me for a meme or gave me an award in the last couple of months let me know in the comments here and I will do them, with flair and venom as is my style, and give you your linky lovin’.

Cause we all lurve our linky lovin’.

And speaking of linky lovin’ thanks to the awesome Stimey, I pink puffy heart her even before she nominated me for a Bloggie for Best Australian Blogger. Thanks Stimey, I ❤ you too!

Now off to visit all your blogs, well, those of you that comment, wink, wink, say no more. Cause over the last few days I haven’t had two brain cells to rub together and you all deserve better than that.

I am a stupid bint.

And it is MPS’s fault. Cause nothing is ever my fault. ‘Bout time he learned that.

So after a large ARRRGGGHHHH and a slap around the head for MPS, I am here to whine tell you what happened.

Yesterday it was hot. You know the drill, bad tempered Kelley, sweaty breasticles, hogging standing in front of the airconditioner with my skirt over the vent, kinda day.

And precious little sleep this YEAR. (sounds so much more dramatic than the last few nights doesn’t it) cause of the tiny terrorist and his stealth Ninja moves.

Moo and I were slapping each other in frustration working on a little project and I was over playing at Aussie Bloggers. There was a thread about web safe colour tools or somesuch, click here to see it, and Moo and MPS were SQUEEing all over the shop at the thought. Especially the Firefox extension Colorzilla.

So being the wonderful person and kind mother that I am, (lets not mention the fact that I wanted it for what I was doing OK? Lets concentrate on my wonderfulness and selflessness as a wife and mother cause then I can blame my family for this sad little tale) I downloaded it for them.

But I needed to restart Firefox to install it.

Now my Firefox apparently has a little bug in it. That MPS keeps saying he will fix. When I quit and then restore session it opens every-freaking-window that I opened in the last whatever. There is no rhyme or reason to it. It can open things that were closed days ago. Or not. Who knows. Like a Firefox lucky dip. But it also opens every window 2-4 times. Lucky Dip again.

Now before anyone starts berating me. Yes, I know I shouldn’t have 4 windows open with 8 tabs each. I know I should be more organised and not leave so much shit open. So shut up. It is not my fault. See the second sentence of this post.

So I restart Firefox and go on my merry way. Delete the duplicate tabs.

Delete the draft version of Bugs, Injuries and Doctors Appointments.

No idea why that fucker was open. It was the draft without the pretty pictures.

Before I hit delete I thought, hang on, might just delete the content cause I am totally computer stupid and don’t know if I delete the draft if it would affect the completed version….

Hmmmm.

I continue my evening. Finally fall into bed around 2am.

This morning I log on. Moderate the newbie comments (thanks for commenting! I big pink puffy heart you all!!) and then think, hmmmm I wonder how many comments that last post has? I hardly ever look at the actual blog, except to swoon over that pretty pink button and the Blogger Choice award buttons ;), so I have a wander around.

What the FUCK?

Where is the post about the nits, swing collapsing on Boo (and by the way, poor little mite has a huge bruise across his shoulder blades. Dodged a bullet there my lovelies. If it had fallen on his neck, or his face, I honestly don’t think he would still be here….) etc etc etc.?

IT. IS. GONE.

I deleted it.

Stupid bint.

I mean MPS is a bastard. And my neighbours asshats. And that guy walking along the street out the front. And my 3rd grade teacher. And Osama Bin Laden.

And it is EVERYONE else’s fault. And I hate them all.

Oh, but not you my lovelies. I ❤ all of you of course……

And of course I don’t have a copy of it. And of course I have no idea what I wrote cause it was just a brain dump. And of course I am mightily peeved cause, well, it makes my blog look messy.

And I hate messy.

So the lesson? Whip MPS’s arse till he fixes the fucking thing. Never EVER delete anything to do with my blog. And take some time to learn what I am freaking doing.

Anyone know of a WordPress for Dummies?

……..I reflect on the year passed.

A Whoa Nelly Fuck-me-dead kinda year.

The year started badly. Really really badly.

And got steadily worse.

But I don’t want to dwell on it. I will just say that MPS is a lucky fucker that I didn’t stab him in the eye with a fork while he slept. Cause that woulda taken some es-plaining. ‘Sorry officer, I was eating steak in bed and I kinda slipped….oh, what’s that? You read my blog and know that I have only ever cooked steak once in my life and did it in a fit of channeling June Cleaver? Well, I was cutting the steak up for my husband, who is bleeding from the eye socket over there….. who am I kidding? Slap those handcuffs on me baby, here use mine, they match my shoes…..’

But I did a lot of running the cold tap while he was in the shower….. bwaaaa haaaa haaaa

So I will think about the coming year. The kick-arse-fan-freaking-tastic Year Of Kelley.

No resolutions. My family resolve every year to break my resolutions, bastards, so here is some for them. Entitled:

Chez Magneto Bolds 10 Commandments.

1. Thou shalt not sit on the toilet with the door open, fan off, and use all the fucking paper without replacing the roll.

And no freaking using-up-to-the-last-square-and-then-ripping-some-off-the-new-roll- so-you-don’t-have-to-replace-it shit. Or I will whip you with the toilet brush. Just after I have cleaned the toilet.

Oh, and while I’m on the subject. For all that is good on God’s green earth FLUSH! There is nothing worse than someone else’s piss splash back.

2. Thou shalt not complain that you have nothing to wear and then empty your floordrobe in the laundry, expecting The Almighty Mummy to wash it all. Including the shit that is still freaking folded. Be warned, you pull that crap and I will return it to your room. After I have farted on it.

3. Thou shalt do what I say. When I say. End of conversation. I can rain war and pestilence and no freaking phone credit or internet access on your arse.

4. Thou shalt not touch Almighty Mummy’s computer. Unless given permission. And asking me while I am half asleep or before my first bucket-o-latte does not constitute permission. I am not held responsible for anything I say during these times. Or when I am holding new shoes. I am speaking in tongues, not saying yes to you.

5. Thou shalt open freaking EYES or move shit when looking for things. Standing in the middle of the room waiting for said item to jump out at you will not work. Unless it is the back of my hand. That’ll work.

6. Thou shalt put away clothes properly. This does not mean the end of the bed or on the floor. Unless it is in your own room. Then I don’t give a shit what you do as long as said clothes do not end up back in the laundry. See Commandment #2.

7. Thou shalt not ask for money within 6 hours of saying no to the Almighty Mummy. The Almighty Mummy has a looooooong freaking memory. Any reference to elephants will end in tears. Yours. When I take away your ipods and replace your Emo music with my favourite techno. (this will be hard to enforce as we actually like the same music)

8. Thou shalt do homework before playing on the computer. Oldest infidel, you are in VCE now. You have homework every night. Yes you do. I will ring your teachers. And invite them over. And they will come cause I can be very persuasive. Infidel-that-was-born-second (cause apparently ‘middle child’ fucks up psyches or somesuch. I prefer using my own methods) you don’t get off easy. Your friends got more honours than you did last year. What the fuck? I don’t care that you got six A’s and the rest were B’s. More study for you. *snort*

9. Thou shalt not walk in the room and start talking at me when I am blogging. This really really pisses the Almighty Mummy off. You will walk in, kneel on the floor with eyes averted until your presence is acknowledged. Wear knee pads. It could be a long wait.

10. Thou shalt love everything that I cook. And then praise the Almighty Mummy for her culinary prowess, even if it is soup. From a can. That you reheated yourself. I bought the bastard and you will bow to me.

11. Thou shalt not stand in front of a full fridge and/or pantry and bitch that there is nothing to eat. I am not a fucking mind reader and the store doesn’t stock ‘I don’t know’. I asked. They don’t. Have an apple.

Yeah, yeah, that was 11. But do you really think any of them will be followed?

I would be happy with just number one. OMG would I be happy with just number 1. Of the number 1’s and 2’s. Yeah that would be good.

Happy New Year my internet lovelies. Now go forth and resolve to resolve tonight. And then pop back here and let me know what you decided to give up do to make 2008 better so I can hold you to it and tease you mercilessly when you break the resolution by 1pm on the first of January cheer you on.

Mwwwaaaa! Looking forward to spending 2008 with you.

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