awards and memes


Last night I had 8 hours and 20 minutes sleep. I am physically swooning at the thought of it.

That’s FIVE HUNDRED minutes sleep.


MPS ended up sitting with Boo for me. Got him in his bed at 9pm.

The kid was asleep by 9.15pm.


I asked MPS if he farted in there, therefore knocking the kid out in a stench induced coma.

MPS hypothesizes that perhaps he is just boring.

I concur.

I went to work with a bounce in my fabulous shoe’d step.


With time enough this morning to paint my toenails a pretty shade of pink!

Now for the apologies. I have memes and awards backed up here. Gunna need some hospital grade enemas to clear them methinks. But I know there are more.

Remember the other day when I was whinging about Firefox and deleting my post? Well half of those zillions of windows I had open were memes to ‘remind’ me to do them.

So of course they are gone. *sob* GONE!

So please, if you tagged me for a meme or gave me an award in the last couple of months let me know in the comments here and I will do them, with flair and venom as is my style, and give you your linky lovin’.

Cause we all lurve our linky lovin’.

And speaking of linky lovin’ thanks to the awesome Stimey, I pink puffy heart her even before she nominated me for a Bloggie for Best Australian Blogger. Thanks Stimey, I ❤ you too!

Now off to visit all your blogs, well, those of you that comment, wink, wink, say no more. Cause over the last few days I haven’t had two brain cells to rub together and you all deserve better than that.

Two posts in a row where I am not pissed with someone. That has to be some sorta record or something. Wonder if this means I will keep my potty mouth in check.

Fuck no.

Well I have had a very eventful week which I will bullet point for your reading pleasure.

  • Week off from work. Cause my boss lurves me. Bliss….
  • Boo went on his first school excursion without me. And had a ball! All the parents that went along took photos of my little man, cause they all love him!
  • Found out who Boo’s teacher and aide are for next year. Shhhhhh, I am not supposed to know yet. But I am very very VERY happy!
  • Won a competition over at All for Women. A fantabulous 48 page photobook from Click on print to give to my brother in the Navy AKA The Golden Child.
  • Almost finished my Christmas shopping for the kids
  • Made the top 200 bloggers (by the skin of my teeth!) and top 50 Aussie Women Bloggers.
  • Dressed as a Ninja and cracked myself up
  • Got pampered and caught up with all the gossip while getting a FABULOUS haircut that I lurve, lurve LURVE!!! Less than three, Sebastian, less than three….
  • Got this fabulous bit of bling from Ree the Hotfessional llama.jpg and will pass it on to LA Daddy cause I gave him some bling eons ago and he came looking for it the other day. And because I am a lazy biatch, I will just fling him some new bling. AND it was his birthday party yesterday and he managed to get his boss to cater. I bow to your awesomeness LA Daddy, cause although mine is my biatch, he usually only gets me coffee. Oh and Diesel, cause he asked so nicely *snigger* and cause his blog rocks . (and I am supposed to say that this bling originated at Simplycuriousgirl)
  • I bought coffee 4 times this week. And it was worth it. Mmmmmmmm.
  • Got nominated again for Hottest Mommy Blogger and Best Parenting Blog at the Bloggers Choice Awards *snort* So vote for me biatches. You know you want to. Click on the linkies in the sidebar or right here. I don’t care just vote for me. I know you have to register and shit, but c’mon I dressed like a Ninja and make you spurt liquid outta ya noses….
  • Lost a kilo. Minutes after my haircut. Yeah, there was that much hair. Went from super freaking long and heavy to lighter and just super long. Without the freaking. Oh and I don’t know if I have mentioned but I lurve lurve LURVE it….
  • Woke to brown murals all over the walls and it wasn’t shit! It was chocolate. Woulda licked the walls clean but I was pretty sure those hands were up some bodily crevice before hand.
  • Although Boo is in his sleep-is-an-optional-extra phase again, he is staying in his room. Might have a little weeny bit to do with I am not leaving any lights on in the rest of the house any more and he is too freaking scared to leave his room. *Slaps head* WHY didn’t I think of that years ago!!!!
  • Got an email from the fabulously freaky Kim who has been trying to nominate my post ‘Letter to my neighbours’ for the, and I quote, ‘aussie post thingy at Club Troppo’ and keeps getting an error message. *smootch* babe, just that you have tried over and over makes me less than three ya more!
  • Bullet points are fun. I could go on and on but then you will forget to vote for me as a Hottie. Cause I soooo wanna be a hottie.

So till tomorrow when I find someone to despise or ridicule I will leave you in the warm glow of Kelley being happy.

And another Christmas tree…


This is the lounge tree. Yes it is still leaning. Goddamnit!

As I sit here with an overwhelmed, overloaded with junk food from a party where in a weak moment I threw caution (and any hope of sleep tonight) to the wind and said ‘what the hell eat what you want’, bouncing off the walls with red ears and face, farting like Satans spawn little boy I have been thinking about you all.

I have been overwhelmed by the support and love of the internets.

Everyday someone emails me saying that I put a smile on their face or a spurt of coffee on their keyboard.

Everyday someone mentions that my miserable existence brightens their day.
Everyday I feel the love of the blogosphere and I want to send you money and shoes.

But seeing I have no money and there is no way in HELL I am parting with my shoes, I thought I would give you a little something.
Consider it an early Christmas present for the wonderful people all over the world that visit my little corner of the internet and make me squeal with delight when I see your comments or mention of me on your blogs that I stalk visit.

So without further ado, I present you the Blog Bling.


I made it all myself.

Yeah, alright. We all know how freaking clueless I am (right Veronica?;) ) so Moo did it. But it was my idea! Honest. Truly. I dragged her away from playing Sims or Quiddich World Cup or chatting up a 40 year old man in his underpants on Myspace or somesuch and made her with the threat of no Santa asked her to help me design it.

Now the explanation. When the girls and I want to express our mutual admiration in public we say ‘Less than Three’. If you look at it sideways:

It looks like a heart. So I heart you.

And I do. Every one of you. Even the hundreds of lurkers (I know you are there…. bwaaaa haaa haaa!) and if you poke out your head and leave a comment you can have one too!

So here is the list of the first ‘I less-than-three your Blog!’ recipients in absolutely NO particular order …..

Drumroll please…..























Vic Jodi






Once you take your button you need to do the usual crap, pass it on and link back here from whence it came so I can check up on you see how the love is traveling around the blogosphere and explain what it means for the idiots people that don’t know that expression.

Now this took me all fucking night (c’mon I had to slip it in here somewhere, I am trying to break the Guinness Book Of Records record for the pottiest mouthed Mummy on the planet) so pass it on to the blogs you deem worthy.

And if you don’t I will send that Ninja chick and her minions Stealth Ninja Moves Boy and Ninja Biatch to steal your Christmas trees.


Now I don’t expect you to tag 28 people. I did 28 in honour of Boo as it is his favourite number. I also understand that a lot of people don’t do ‘buttons’ and will not want to play well that freaking sucks big fat hairy bleeding haemorroids that is OK. Just know that I lurve you!

And no sulking if I forgot you today. I will fling you some bling ASAP.


edited to add:

If the link to your blog is not working, shoot me an email (‘Talk to me’ up the top there) and I will fix it. I was a bit tired last night 🙂 Veronica and Riayn, I am on it and will fix your links today sometime after I clean all the chocolate off the walls that Boo found in the middle of the night. At least it wasn’t shit and toothpaste!!!!


Thanks to the lovely Veronica at Sleepless Nights



The Big Eight

8 Things I Am Passionate About

Well, I could say coffee and shoes….. so I will.

Autism advocacy

My children, family and friends

that makes 4…… so lather, rinse, repeat, we have 8!


8 Things I Want To Do Before I Die


Stay in a luxury hotel with round the clock room service, fluffy bathrobes, a big screen TV above the bed and a never ending packet of Tim Tams.

Ensure that my Boo is well provided for

Meet my bloggy and internet lovelies

Own a pair of Malono Blahnik’s like theseshoelogo.gif

or these manolo_blahnik_suede_boots.jpeg

and the legs to pull them off

but not these100706hirstblahnik.jpg


Own a pair of Jimmy Choo’s

8 Things I Say Often

Not counting swear words? Apparently. I have said this before, but apparently I say apparently a LOT. Apparently…….


Go to sleep pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!

What did he do now?

Is that food? (to Boo who eats anything but actual food)

No, I’m FINE.

I love you

Does this look OK?

8 Books I Have Read Recently

Sickened The Memoir of a Münchhausen by Proxy Childhood- Julie Gregory

The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath (again)

Romeo and Juliet – Shakespeare (with Moo for school, I always read her school books so we can discuss them)

Wings of madness a mothers journey – Jo Buchanan (story of child actors decent into schizophrenia)

Left to Tell – Immaculee Ilibagiza (truly moving book, her story of survival during the Rwandan Holocaust, a must read!)

Hospital by the River – forgotten the author as I have lent it out. Story of a missionary that set up a hospital to help women with terrible injuries after giving birth and have been disowned by their families.

TV guide and Porn….. sorry it was getting all too serious and you were starting to think I actually cared about something other than myself, shoes and coffee.

8 Songs I Could Listen To Over And Over

My fav bands right now are: John Butler Trio, Metallica, Pink, Kiss Chasy so anything by them. This week. My tastes change like my shoes.

Oh and club music. And 80’s. And 90’s

Oh just anything but Folk and Country and Western really….. or when people do that dragging out the word in a hundred different octaves to make them sound like Gospel singers when in fact they just sound like a cat with it’s balls caught in a vice. Yeah that sorta music. And Mika. Fuck I hate Mika. Boo on the other hand LURVES Mika. Hence my Mika abhorrence. Same song on loop for days and days and days…

8 Things That Attract Me To My Best Friends

Money, Money, Money…..

Nah, I dunno. My friends are sooooo varied. They all hate each other. Makes my birthday and Christmas interesting! But at least I get to go out to dinner 10 times, their shout, for one birthday!

8 People Who Should Totally Do This Meme.

Sigh. this is the bit I hate. If I tag someone they might hate me for tagging them, if I don’t tag someone they might get all hurt and offended and shit.

OK, suck it up Kelley.

Girl at Fertile Mertile, Erin (cause she is back again with her mad comments, love ya Erin!), Karen at Misc Mum, Contrary (cause they will be hilarious!), Meg at Dipping in the Blogpond cause she is my new best friend ;), Tiffany at Three Ring Circus, Slouching Mom (cause I know that she will do it properly and with flair), Gina at Just another Day, and Stimey.

Phew. If you want to do it just let me know and I will add you, OK? Cool.



Sorry for being so lazy. Here is a link to the Hospital by the River book

Feeling the love of the internets today.

Meg at Blogpond linked to me saying that I use ‘colourful language’. And she gave me this pretty little button (only because I said I loved it!)


Ask and ye shall receive.

I want a burgundy 7 seater car please. Preferably with leather seats. And shoes, lots of pretty shoes.

Andrew from On Blogging Australia profiled this blog and said that I have a ‘slightly earthy sense of humour’ And then he brought out the ‘colourful language’ line as well.

See a pattern here?

How about just saying it guys? I am a potty mouthed, fabulous shoe wearing, attention whore. And you love me for it!

White Trash Mom commented on ‘Will you do the fandango?’ and called me officially White Trash. Oh the honour!

VE from VE’s Fantastical Nonsense helped me out immensely on how to market fecal murals. Will be dedicating my memoirs ‘A shit load of cash’ to VE for starting the fecal mural movement. (see that? poo-word-poo, oh I am a 5 year old boy….. seriously)

Veronica and Karen tagged me for memes. I am working on them tonight while trying to put the little bastard to sleep and will have them up over the weekend. I promise!


Still taking recipes suggestions for names for the bunny we are getting tomorrow…..

Whoo Hoo!! A competition at Magneto bold too!

Yeah baby!

Wadda we win?

Well, um, it’s like this…… nothing.

But you get to have the honour of naming the latest edition to the family.

(not one of the hordes of Emo teenagers that seem to have no home, I just call them Thing 1, Thing 2 etcetera etcetera….. except for the ones with eating disorders, they are known as Fat Arse 1 and Fat Arse 2)

We are getting a fluffy bunny on the weekend. We need to name it. We need something better than what my family has come up with and something to put on its Christmas stocking (yeah, we buy shit for our pets for Christmas) other than what will become it’s default name:


me-in-this-house-isn’t-it-NO-you can’t-eat-that-dinner-is-ready-when-I-freaking-feel-like-it!


Boo wants to call it ‘hutch’, as in ‘rabbit hutch’. I think I have been talking about hutches too much around him.

Too wants to call it ‘Padfoot’, three guesses where THAT is from

Moo and I want to call it ‘Jungle Muff’ in honour of the wordsmith extraordinare Girl at Fertile Mertile

and DH, well he wants to call it nothing cause he thinks it is a baaaaaaaad idea.

Yeah, shutup Mario, it’s a bad idea when I SAY it is a bad idea and then you take the blame. Like all men should.

So, we need a name. Leave your suggestion in the comments* and I will see if I can get the HTML queen, Moo, to make you a pretty button for your blog or sumfin’….

I will post a photo of the darling little bundle of joy when we get it some time over the weekend.

*the management of Magnetoboldtoo! reserve the right to choose a name and then change her mind, and then change it back again and then call the thing something completely different.  The management of Magnetoboldtoo! is a woman and it is that time of the month and she is trying to cut down on chocolate.

Just for Jodi and Veronica and Erin and Bettina and Priscilla and all the other girls that need to see my shoes.  The shoes I rave on and on about.  The first thing I thought of when I broke my toe.

Today was the first day in heels since then.

My toe is killing me.


But aren’t these gorgeous boots so worth it?  I had a little old lady stop me today to comment on them.  I have to hide from the weird guys at work or they follow me around when I wear them.

They make me feel sexy.

These are what I have dubbed my ‘happy shoes’


They are so pretty and detailed (look at the heel!  The pattern is on the heel!)  They just make me smile.  These are the shoes I wear after a hard night with Boo or when I am having a I-am-the-ugliest-woman-on-earth day.

I just look down and smile.

Here are a selection of other fav’s for this season.

black-shoes.jpg  green-shoes.jpgred-shoes.jpgpink-and-brown-shoes.jpg

In order of appearance:

Black shoes:  I love Billy brand got for $25 BRAND NEW!!!  I nearly had a coronary.  The fat feral on the floor at my feet trying on her ug boots looked at me like I was insane as I was squealing ‘These are Billy shoes! OMG  these are normally over a hundred dollars!”

Probably what she spends on weed for her kids.

Green shoes:  Santa left these under the tree for me.  Gotta give Santa an extra present this year *wink*

Red shoes:  At work they call me ‘Special K’ when I wear these.  Moo bought them for me with her own money *gasp* when she went on a shopping camp with school (yeah, shopping with school….)

Pink and brown:  these are the shoes that started it all.

So there you have it.  A small selection of the shoes I have worn over the last few weeks. The black boots are in my 100 things post at the top of the blog.

Just got home from work. Home early to clean up and open the windows to get rid of the smell of excrement before picking up Boo.

Got an email saying my blog looked different and ‘Aren’t you doing NaBloPoMo anymore?’


I look at my blog (how many of you actually look at your own blogs? I hardly ever do!)

And everything on the sidebar is GONE!

And the tiny terrorist was puttin’ on the stealth Ninja moves last night.

And the widgets page was open…..

You connect the shit covered dots. Cause they are not gettin’ cleaned off the walls right now…. my blog, my baby, she is broken! And the HTML that I worked out all by my self is gone and I have to try and work the fucker out again….

So I am sitting here tearing my freaking hair out cause I cannot for the life of me remember what was on my blog in the first place and a comment comes in about a post I did aaages ago.

Hmm, methinks, what is all that about?

And it turns out that Girl, my wonderful Girl of the teach-Kelley-new-swear-words gang at Fertile Mertile has awarded me a perfect post award for Sleep. The whingy post I did about Boo not sleeping and flinging insults at the internets.


I have no idea why she thought that was a perfect post. My fav post is Letter to my Neighbours, only because every time I see that kid next door I picture her Polly pocket….. Bwaaaa Haaaaa Haaaaa!!

But she did and she gave me an award. Thank you Girl.  I am overwhelmed.

And then I remembered. I have another blog bling given to me by Three Ring Circus.


Yeah, I am a little late for Halloween… but treats are year round aren’t they! And she said the sweetest things about me *blush*  I have to tag others.  So consider yourself tagged.  I always share my treats with everyone!

And Lightening tagged me for the Picture Me Meme just to see my shoes *swoon* shoes…..

Will take photos of them tonight.

Oh happy day.

AND THEN the phone rings. DH has been offered ANOTHER JOB. Two companies are fighting over him now and he hasn’t even completed his IT course. The second job was offered after DH did work experience there yesterday.

So despite the blog being hacked, and the solidifying fecal murals, today is a good day!

I will be thinking of these things as I am knee deep in fairy cakes this evening readying for Moo’s birthday party tomorrow.