Christmas is approaching. We are getting into the spirit and planning the decos so this means the garden needs to be spruced up first.
Firstly I will say, I hate gardening with a passion. I would rather have root canal, cause at least then you get drugs and don’t have people looking at you like you are a freak and saying ‘But I love root canal!’
If you love gardening, turn away….
Are they gone?
Are you sure?
If you like gardening you are freaking weird.
OK!!! You can come back now!
Anyway, I am out there with the only thing that makes it all worth while. Power tools. A big hulking hedge trimmer that makes me want to get a hockey mask and chase my children around the house.
So I get the best done first – no delayed gratification for this chicky babe – and then I look up.
I have an audience.
You guessed it. The freaky neighbours have set up fucking CAMP across the road. Sitting on a rug under the tree, sipping Pina-freakin-colada’s for all I know.
With a rake laying on the ground.
Oh, yeah, I believe you.
I ignore them.
A car pulls up in their driveway. Someone gets out. AND SITS DOWN!
What is so freaking entertaining about a chick weeding her garden? It is not as if I am wearing a bikini or short shorts or something (trust me, that will never happen. OMG, Greenpeace would be on my doorstep wondering how I got so far inland) I am wearing a very loose tshirt, 3/4 yoga pants and gardening clogs. Fashionista I am not. Bag lady perhaps.
I go inside for a while to get out of the hot sun and the glare of the freakazoids. They hang around for a while, the guy gets in his car and leaves and I contemplate whether it is safe to go back outside.
Yeah, I would rather clean up Boo’s fecal murals than go back out and garden, but I haul my arse out there.
Guess what? Oh yes, my lovely internets, they come back out.
I finish what I am doing, flip them the bird and go back inside.
So much for neighbourly love, they are off my Christmas card list now. Unless Boo still wants to make a pipe bomb…….
Now excuse me I need a shower, I stink.