I need to contact the manufacturer.  This model is faulty.  I read the fine print and ticked all the right boxes and I KNOW that the ticked the box that read ‘Sleeps soundly all night’.  What do I have to do to get an upgrade?  I have pushed all his buttons and I haven’t found the sleep option yet.  He seems to be permanently stuck on ‘Snooze’.

Boo and I are now on night 3 of virtually no sleep. I eventually relented at 12am and brought him into bed with me. Right now he is happily playing in his room.  Computer, TV and music blaring and screaming blue murder at Laa Laa who wont stand on his/her head on the computer table without falling over.

Me?  I am on my third bucket cup of coffee and considering mainlining from the coffee machine just to get through the day.

My little darling finally fluttered his eyelids at 1.39am. By then my second wind cut in and I lay there watching infomercials for another hour or so before my brain conked out.

At 3.05am I woke to see Boo standing over me on the bed.  ‘Will you play with me Mummy?’

‘No.  Go back to sleep.’

‘Play Mummy’

Go to sleep before I smother you’ I muttered under my breath.

I ignored him.

He bounced around while I pretended that I was asleep.  No mean feat when you are being bounced 2 inches off the bed.

He starts singing and I start praying for the strength to not throttle him.

‘On Monday 10th September it is a school holiday’ He has been saying this for nearly a month now.  A couple of years ago he wrote ‘no school’ on my calendar a month in advance.  Turns out he didn’t go to school that day cause I was at my grandparents house planning my grandfathers funeral.  To say the least, at 3am I am wondering if his prophecy will come true, I will strangle him.

He smiles sweetly at me and strokes my face.  I melt.  Yes he will survive to see another day.

He finally passes out at God only knows what time (remember I am pretending to be asleep) with his head on my knee and his bottom in my face and the next time I wake it is cause he has wet through his nappy and I am lying in a pool of his urine.  For the second night in a row.  I consider just going back to sleep, heck I am wet anyway, and extreme exhaustion wins out and I just grab him a new nappy and pj top and chuck a towel down.

I sleep fitfully for another, oh 5 SECONDS, before Moo comes in looking for the sticky tape.  She forgot to wrap Too’s present and is doing it now.  So now we are up for the day.

Boo looks at me and says ‘Where am I going today?’

I sigh and long drawn out sigh…. ‘No where.’

He looks at me and then shiftily away.  A small smirk plays on his lips.  I can just hear what he is saying in his head…

Mwaaaa Haa Haa, my evil plan is realised.  I told you I wasn’t going to school on Monday the 10th of September……. 

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