Well what a week of ups and skyrocketing downs.  Will start with a huge positive.  Called Centrelink to find out where my Govt bribe (FTB top up) was and found out that I actually needed to CALL them to say that DH didn’t need to lodge a tax return because he is at school and getting benefits……. sheesh.  Anyway.  Made the call Thurs arvo and the money was in my bank this morning!!!!  WHOO HOO!!!!!  Took Moo and Too shopping to buy some clothes.  Gave them each $150 and they got a great haul including – by their own insistence – bras, undies and socks!  I honestly think I would have spent hundreds more if I just took them shopping for clothes rather than giving them a set amount.  I picked up their birthday presents (2gig Ipod for Too and 4gig for Moo).  I also got some more school pants for Too as she is getting hippy and none of her pants fit anymore and some school pants for Boo.  Scored a bargain with frypans even though it took me time arguing with the 5yr old shop assistants that they actually DO have a 20% sale on them.  Bought DS a Simpsons toy and he is happily playing with it in the kitchen – Homer and the pig Plopper – and DH a pkt of Forerro Rochers.  All in all a happy, albeit exhausting 5 1/2 hours shopping.  Nothing like a bit of retail therapy to make a mummy happy.

Had a VERRRRY stressful week.  I took Tuesday off work cause I knew I couldn’t face being around people after a nightmare morning with DS.  I am still getting over that horror flu of a couple of weeks ago and my patience is rather thin.  DS has been *challeging* these last few weeks.  Thursday was the worst when he grabbed a prep in a headlock to get them off the slide.  DS is a BIG boy and bigger than most of the grade six kids (he is in grade 2) so the incident would have been terrifying for the poor little kid.  Just thinking about it makes me feel physically ill.  I have tried to talk to DS about it (well as best you can with him anyway) and it turns out he was playing Simpsons.  His aide and I are compiling some social stories about what is play and also that ‘Simpsons’ is only to be played at home, with people taller than him and only with permission from the other person.  We will see how that goes.

DS has also been very controlling and angry over the last few weeks, as well as screaming and making high pitched squealing noises.  The weird thing is he is sleeping really well.  We have gone from 4-6 hours a night to up to 9 hours one night!  That I must admit has been all that is keeping me going right now.  He hates any type of high pitched noise – he glared at me last night when my spoon slightly scraped my bowl when I was eating – doors opening and closing, the brakes on the car, the radio,  numerous other things and the worst one is the washing machine.  My washing machine ‘sings’ when it is finished and it makes him hysterical.  So washing can only be done when he is asleep or at school….. sigh.  Whenever he screams DH loses it and I have to try and calm them both down or the whole thing escalates.

Then there are the niggly things of still not feeling 100%, girls fighting, the house looking like a bombsite and everyone just expecting me to clean up after them, DH driving me bananas with his wild mood swings, having no money to the point where we almost ran out of food and just being totally frustrated with my life.

So I have taken a positive step.  I have taken Monday and Tuesday off work to clean the house.  Cleaning always makes me feel better and it will be a way to ease my frustrations and get some exercise.  I have resolved to drink more water and eat regularly during this time too as apposed to my normal routine of coffee, coffee and more coffee and then pigging out at night.  I need to get myself as healthy as possible to ensure that I can deal with all the above in a positive manner.  I cannot change DH nor make him go to counselling etc, DS is a law unto himself and I need to be clear headed to deal with his constantly changing issues head on, the DD’s are normal teenagers wanting the world and still not being happy when they get it 🙂 the only one I can work on is me.  The better I deal with things the better they respond.

I can do this.  I am strong.  I don’t feel it right now, but I know I can be stronger cause I have done it before.  Breathe in and out and focus on the positive.