I have to go all Lady MacBeth on my ever expanding arse.

The chocolate in the fridge is calling me. Serenading me. Tantalizing me with its sweet chocolately goodness. It’s silky rich texture. Delicately caressing the inside of my mouth with it’s sweet velvety smoothness.

Melting slowly on my tongue as I gently suck on the squares.

Shit. Chocolate makes me horny.

What is it about chocolate that makes me swoon?

Why does it go so well with my other addiction, coffee?

Why, oh why, have the healthy eating Gods forsaken me?  Why do I have to succumb to the seductiveness of the evil cocoa bean?

And MPS knows the effect the evil bean has on me, so he ensures the fridge is full of it.

Like crack to a crack ho.  I am a cocoa ho.  I have to have my fix and it is staring at me every time I reach into the fridge for a carrot.

Oh how can I resist you….. especially the jumbo sized dark chocolate Toblerone.

*shudder of pleasure just typing that*

The After Dinner Mints

The Lindt balls in various orgasm inducing flavours

The blocks of dark chocolate, milk chocolate, white chocolate…

THE CLINKERS, OMG the CLINKERS!!!

Shit, even the freaking dark baking chocolate is whispering sweet nothings from the pantry.

Why don’t the carrots whisper to me?  The baby spinach, capsicum and sprouts?  The fruit is sitting there mute.  Not a word of lust from those fuckers.

But the chocolate?  It is calling my name.  In a dark sweet bald headed six-pack-on-top-of-his-six-pack ebony skinned guy kinda way…… and his voice is silky smooth.

*swoon*

But I have to resist you.  Oh lover, I do.

My arse is expanding.  And that is not a good thing.  My desire for you is causing me to see numbers I don’t like on the bathroom scales.  I considered throwing the scales in the street and sucumbing to your every present seduction but I must be strong.  I need to get rid of you from my life.  Even though all you have ever done is exist for my pleasure.

No back chat.  You sit there waiting, always waiting, just for me.

No mess.  You just wait for me to lick the wrapper clean.

No demands.  You just whisper your presence and I am drawn to you.  Weak at the knees, wanting you.  Needing you.

You never disappoint.  You are perfect.  Always.

Sigh.  But I need to sever all ties.

I need to escape from the grasp you have over me.

I need to cleanse myself.  Scrub myself clean.

Shit.  First I have to get rid of the chocolate scented body wash……

Out, damn’d chocolate! out, I say!

Now excuse me I have a hot date with a packet of Clinkers I am going to eat a carrot….